him. - an eren yeager fanfiction

15. aftermath

"Sasha, this is the third time we've been to McDonald's this week," Y/N huffed with her chin resting on her palm.

Sasha shrugged dismissively, "And this is the third week you've been all sad. You can't tell me a Big Mac doesn't make you smile."

Y/N let out a quiet sigh and waited patiently for their food to be ready. She wished Sasha's comment was wrong but it had been a long time since she'd had genuine fun. Jean, Connie, and Sasha were her only good friends on campus, but Jean still hadn't reached out. Eren was a whole different story, he regularly texted Y/N to tell her good morning only to reinform her that he wasn't ready to see her again.

It felt less lonely and took away some of the guilt knowing that he could still bring himself to text her, but she longed to be around him.

Sasha let out a loud gasp to draw Y/N's attention. "Bitch! Guess what I found out?" She asked, wiggling her eyebrows excitedly.

Y/N couldn't help but give her a small smile, "What?"

"I said guess!"

"Connie's going to propose?"

"No, oh my gosh. Don't say that!" She whined, "Guess again!"

"I'm out of guesses Sasha."

"Jean is throwing a party."

Y/N let out a small gasp of her own. Jean was the person to go to when you wanted to party, but Y/N knew how temperamental he was.

"...but that means..."

"He's moving on!" Sasha squealed, "Finally! I thought I was going to have to avoid having you two around each other forever."

Am I supposed to be happy or sad? Y/N asked herself.

It was a hard question for her to answer. After meeting with both Jean and Eren, she knew who she really wanted. If at the end of the day, they both decided to move on, that would be fine. But she was almost jealous of Jean finding a way back to normalcy while she was stuck on her mistakes.

"Y/N... are you crying?" Sasha asked softly. She reached out her hand to catch the tears falling onto Y/N's cheeks.

"No, no. I'm fine. I'm happy for him. I'm really happy."

Jean and Y/N — approx. three weeks ago

"You must think I'm really stupid," Jean sighed.

Y/N let out a sad laugh, "How could you be when I'm the one that fucked everything up?"

"Come on, stop talking like it's the end of the world."

"Maybe it is," Y/N whispered.

"It's not... Did you want to apologize?"

Y/N bit her lip nervously, "Yes, I'm—"

"Don't." He placed his hand on top of her thigh and gave it a gentle squeeze, "I just complicated things for you. I'm not going to pretend that my feelings were like the other times I've gotten overprotective and jealous, but if you want... him then I don't want to complicate that."

"How could you say that?" Jean opened his mouth to speak, but Y/N cut him off, "I led you on. I kissed you when I knew it was a bad idea. I didn't try hard enough to stop the double dates. I used you whenever I was upset or stressed. I neglected your feelings. I—"

Jean pulled Y/N into a tight embrace to shut her up. It wasn't like she didn't do any of those things, but to see her break down with regret was something he never wished to see.