Got my claws in you

Chapter 22- misunderstandings

JOON POV:

Yoongi hyung's words ring in my ears.

Mated. (Y/N)'s...mated? Somehow the words don't seem to sink in, my hand moving on autopilot to hand Hobi water, unblinking and unstaring at a point on the wall, beyond Yoongi hyung's nervously twitching black fluffy ears.

Mated. But surely not. Surely she would've told us if she was. But at the same time my mind remembers her insistence to leave, remembers the sickening fear we'd walked into the station to witness, remembered the way she'd sobbed and pleaded for us to keep not her safe but to keep her pack safe. The food in my stomach turns to sawdust, mouth drying when I think of the possibility that had somehow overlooked such a major factor, such a major part of her life. My head throbs when I think of the implications of her being mated, of the knowledge that nearly makes me sick to think that I've torn her away from who her biology calls her to, I've torn her away from someone who she feels the loss of like a loss of herself.

She can't be mated. I can't have messed up to this extent have I? I haven't just unwillingly torn apart a pack for her protection, but away from her mate too? Someone who's presence couldn't be compensated, someone who she needed, craved that closeness to. And someone I'd...taken her away from?

I feel a weight come to settle in my heart, heavy and suffocating. Feel that weight seep out to make my lungs leaden, to wrap around my chest like a vice.

I kept messing up. It seemed like nothing I did to protect (Y/N), to help her seemed to go well. It felt like I was failing so horribly when it came to her. Every decision I had poured hours over, had spent thinking over for so long, turning over to examine at each angle, to carefully scrutinise and question before putting forward seemed to be falling apart in front of my own eyes. I didn't feel as failed as both an officer and as a wolf as I did right now, feeling so let down in the very instincts and gut feelings that drove me to be a protector, to be a better officer and better person.

But when I turn my head to look at the others I see the same shock and surprise on their faces, see the way Hobi rubs at his chest absentmindedly with a frown on his face, watch as he seems to sense my gaze and turns, frown deepening as his nose scrunches. It's only then that I realise that my scent has soured, has become steeped with the same fears I'm currently thinking of, running through my head.

I watch as Hobi tries to smile reassuringly, but there's disbelief and shock in his eyes, ears curling and twisting as he fiddles with the glass, fingers rubbing at the condensation on it, his other hand falling away from his chest. Yoongi hyung watches with a nervousness, a frown on his lips and when his eyes meet mine I know he's thinking of the needs that (Y/N) has and she's been repressing or trying to ignore, know that he's thinking of just how hard it must be on her, ears twitching as his eyes go to Tae, his hand moves to settle on his knee as Tae's wide eyes turn to him.

"She's without her mate?" he echoes, voice sad and plaintively hurting.

Eyes flashing as he leans towards Yoongi hyung's touch, his own stripey tail curling to loosely intertwine with Yoongi hyung's; shifting closer to be near him, unsettled by the prospect.

And Jimin. Jiminie is a stiff statue, face neutrally blank, wiped of any expression, and if I didn't know him as well as I knew myself, I would've missed the dark brewing look in his eyes, would've missed the way his tail seemed to bristle and his fingers curled around the chopsticks, tight and knuckles whitened. 

And his scent that didn't turn overwhelmingly strong, but the slight sharpness to the mint that made my nose prickle, had my instincts raring to soothe him and to get rid of that heavy tone to his pheromones. Instincts that had been whining with dissatisfaction and failure at protecting (Y/N), at doing what was best for her, pitifully whining that Jiminie was hurting, that even if he remained stiff and so poised at the table, one of the calmest looking ones, he was the one with the storm brewing under his skin.