Got my claws in you

Chapter 23- unspoken hurts don't vanish

JIMIN POV:

It hurts to see (Y/N) and not know. Not know for certain whether or not she's mated. If she is then it means we've been unknowingly denying her biological and instinctual need to be close to her mate. We've been denying her of that wholeness, that fulfilment that came with being with mates. If she was mated then the situation was a lot worse then we'd thought, because even if she was under protective detail, separated from her pack- we needed to find a way, needed to arrange something that would allow her to meet them, allow her instincts to be settled and soothed.

And it would make me a terrible friend if I thought that just being there for her was enough, if I thought that our company could ease away that gnawing feeling of mate separation. I couldn't compensate for that emptiness even if I wished to do something about it, I couldn't fill that hollowness, couldn't substitute for that need for someone her body and mind craved the closeness to.

And yet. And yet a part of me clung onto that miniscule possibility, hope that she wasn't mated. Though it sounded selfish even to myself but I clung onto that small probability because it would make things a lot easier, it would ease the burden that bore down even more heavily on Joon hyung's shoulders. It would make the pack who were looking so dejected and morose at the prospect of a separated mate cheer up and not seem so wounded at the mere mention of her the next few days following Yoongi hyung's revelation.

What was worse that I couldn't bring myself to ask. Couldn't bring myself to just slot it in to our early morning walks and late evening car talks. Felt selfish for wanting to keep those moments to myself, for wanting to cherish those moments of unguarded happiness, of her talking to me without those walls she'd once enforced around her. I couldn't see the way she smiled at me, voice soft as she asked about my day, seeming so content and satisfied after work and then ask her how she was coping without her mate. It felt wrong to. Wrong to ask. And wrong to think that if I didn't ask, the issue wouldn't be real, her mate couldn't be manifested into something we'd have to deal with.

But deep down I knew it had to be done. That the potential possibility had to be either confirmed or denied. I needed an answer. Needed to know whether the lack of claiming marks and scent on her was because she wasn't mated or because of her profession, because she didn't carry her own scent let alone her mate's.

I had to ask her. I had to know.

And yet as I see her stepping out of the care centre, wrapped up in a coat and thick scarf, see the way her doe eyes light up and know that even if I can't see her lips from where her face is burrowed into, I know they're turned up by the way her cheeks shift and bunch, I can't ask.

Can't dampen that smile.

"How's your day been Jiminie?" she asks as she settles into the passenger seat, buckling up before turning to look at me. I see her hands hidden by the sleeves of a large sweater move to push the scarf down, revealing that she had been smiling.

I smile back.

"We've been running surveillance and I was interviewing some of the people who live around the area Min-Jun was found." I say, watching as her ears twitch and flicker, see the way she leans in, eyes wide as she looks expectantly at me.

"Did you find out anything that could help Min-Junnie?" she asks.

This close and I should be able to detect her scent, should be able to detect the tell-tale signs that pheromones silently gave off.

But nothing. A blank wall.

Nothing that screamed (Y/N). Just the usual mixture of something I'd grown to recognise as clingy, cuddly bear hybrid and the mixture of scents her glands must've picked up during the day. That and the fruity floral smell of the products she used. But nothing that was her natural scent, nothing that was intrinsically her.