Alarm Clock - Ereri/Riren (Re-uploaded)

Chapter 28

Time had passed since that day. I later found out that Armin changed schools and was now going to Rose Academy. It's a private boarding school that he got a scholarship to but decided to stay at our public school because he didn't want to leave me and we were still dating at the time. It also meant that we had to disband until we could find another guitarist. That really affected me. If I didn't have music in my life I would always have this hole in my heart that I couldn't fill. I had quit the piano but I was able to substitute for it with the band. And now that I didn't have that it felt like I was truly at a loss. I could practice my guitar on my own but it wasn't the same. I liked the idea of depending on one another to create a complete and advanced sound with my friends. Levi's words from that day did make me feel better, but it didn't stop me from spiraling into this hole of none stop thinking. Mikasa was keeping a close eye on me so whenever I'd have near panic attacks, she would always be there to de-escalate it before it got to a point where I'd have to go to the hospital. It was lucky Levi didn't see any of it. I didn't want him to see me as any more pathetic than he already did. I didn't want him to see me like he did when we first met, and I bruised his arm from holding on so tight. I felt such a huge amount of guilt. I had caused so much pain for so many people including Levi. I wasn't really coming to school anymore. I couldn't bring myself to get out of my bed. Levi was really sweet and he knew how much that new guitar and my grades meant to me, so he did all my homework. That caused me to feel even more guilty that I was adding all this work on him. Mikasa explained what happened to my parents and they kind of gave me space. They knew how sensitive the whole thing was and did their best to be there for me. On the days I did come to school, Levi wouldn't leave my side until I had a class separate from him. I was usually not well kept when I showed up so sometimes people would give me funny looks. Levi holding my hand often made me feel safe however. Our friend groups had kind of melded together during lunches so we would sit together even then. I would have trouble eating but Mikasa and him made an effort to force me. Funny how the roles kind of reversed. Him and Mikasa kind of started working together and even exchanged numbers so they could keep tabs on me. He even came to my house after school most days and would eat with my family. Him and my dad seemed to get along pretty nicely, which was one good thing that came out of this I guess. Maybe I was just being one big crybaby, but I couldn't shake this feeling that the whole world was destined to come crashing back onto me right from the very start.

"Levi?" I spoke as we laid in my bed. Lately, most of what we did together consisted of me laying pathetically in my bed, him coming in and hanging out while he did our homework and cuddling afterwards till I fell asleep. Something about it diluted a lot of the internal hurt I felt.

"What is it Eren?" He started calling me by my first name a lot more instead of his casual little nicknames. Although it was music to my ears, I missed the feeling of us being able to lightheartedly hold a conversation and for me to annoy him from time to time. It was my fault we didn't have that anymore too.

"Am I a burden to you?" He pulled me into a tighter hug and I felt snug despite him being a lot smaller than me.

"Why would you ever think that?"

"I'm taking up your time. You're doing both of our homeworks and that has to be overwhelming, not to mention the fact that you're always checking on me. You never have any time to yourself.

"I feel way more overwhelmed not knowing if you're alright or not than doing extra silly homework."

"But I feel like you're always worrying about me." I replied.

"I am always worrying about you," he said, lifting his head a bit to look over at me, brushing my hair out of my face.

"I don't want you to." I said with a shake quiver to my voice.

"I'll worry about you for as long as I need to. I'll worry about you until I see you smile again." I shuffled and turned around to look at him. The moonlight made his eyes look so beautiful. He really did look worried and that hurt me. It hurt me that I was hurting him. No matter what I did, I was always hurting someone. An unexpected tear fell and slowly glided down my cheek before I even realized I was crying. I'm so weak. I can't even be strong for him. He was the one being strong for me. Levi sighed and brought me into his chest as my tears wet his shirt.

"Eren, Eren, Eren." He whispered. "I miss you so much. I need Eren back." I continued to cry and bury my face in his chest as I began shaking a bit. "I don't like the way that kid spoke to you Eren. There's a limit to how you hold people accountable."

"W-what do you mean? I-I des-served it though" I continued.

"Everyone messes up. Everyone. And in my opinion, Petra messed up a lot more than you did." I didn't reply. I just continued crying. "I want you to listen to me Eren. I mean really listen." he continued. "I've always thought this and didn't want to bring it up. But based on the details that I know, you were the victim." My heart stopped and my eyes widened as I heard those words. How could I be the victim? "You were taken advantage of. You were heavily under the influence and anyone who saw that video could have easily seen that. Hell the fact that there even was a video in the first place proves how much of a victim you were. You went through something horrible and he failed to see that. He failed to see that you were the one that needed support. That you were the one who was hurt. You were the one who needed justice. And not only did he fail to see that, but he proceeded to guilt trip the shit out of you. No wonder you can't move on." There was a thick silence. No one had ever told me that. Everyone always told me what a big fuck up I did. And it hurt even more knowing I couldn't turn back time. It hurt even more knowing I wasn't even in the right state of mind to make that choice. But the way Levi explained the way he saw it made me think. He was....right. He was right. Somehow, that's what slowly started to give me a bit of peace of mind. I looked up from his chest and he cupped my cheek in his hand. "Can you stop punishing yourself now and bring back Eren?" He said with a bit of a chuckle and lightly shaking me so I would snap out of it. Suddenly I heard the creak of my door and saw a bit of light come into the room. Before I could check who it was, I felt another set of arms wrap themselves around me. The wisps of black hair and the strength of their arms were enough to tell me it was Mikasa. And she was crying.

"I'm so sorry Eren! Levi's right! It wasn't your fault and we should've known that! We all should've known that! I want you to be happy! You deserve to be happy!" She cried out. Typical Mikasa. She must have been listening at the door.