Alarm Clock - Ereri/Riren (Re-uploaded)

Chapter 35

"Levi's doing fine this week Eren, don't worry. He has been for a while." Isabel said into the phone.

"Good. Should I stop checking in? You'd let me know if he's putting himself in danger again right?" I replied.

"You got it."

"Thank you. Actually, I have to go. I have to practice for this concert I have tomorrow."

"Ooo! Hange and Erwin haven't heard the band yet. Do you think we could swing by?" I have to admit I was thankful that Levi's friends hadn't completely stopped talking to me and mine. Levi apparently even still said hi to Annie and Mikasa from time to time.

"Actually it's not that kind of concert. I'm playing piano in a composition competition."

"I didn't know you played piano. And what's a composition competition?"

"It's like a competition for performers where they submit and play their own songs instead of ones written by a bunch of old guys hundreds of years ago." That was usually how I simplified things like this for my friends.

"I'd love to come see you, but I'd probably fall asleep with the other contestants. Sorry!"

"No worries. It puts less pressure on me anyways." I reassured her that it was no big deal. The conversation carried on for another minute or two, catching up on little details like where we were going after highschool and planning when we would hang out next. I returned to practicing my piano, filling the house with little warm ups and exercises that hadn't been heard in years by even my own ears. I was just polishing up a few details. I genuinely didn't care if I won this competition or not, but I wanted an opportunity to perform it. This song summed up pretty much the biggest part of my year. Why not play it somewhere to finish it off? I knew Levi was staying in New York for whatever he was doing after highschool, and I was thinking up a way to get him back into my life. After Zeke heard that piece I played, he said it was probably long overdue I go try and talk to him. I wanted to, badly, but I also didn't mind taking my time. I was, for the first time since I was a child, at peace with most of the things in my life. I needed a bit more time before I opened that wound again.

My entire family had come out to see me tonight as well as Connie, Sasha, Jean, Marco and even Annie. I was touched that they cared and that they wanted to come support me, but I didn't want to treat this like a big deal. Of course it was a big deal, but I wanted to look at it as me taking a short break from the piano and coming back. Nothing more. I couldn't say I wasn't a little jittery. The feeling of knowing lots of people, including people who expected stuff from me was nerve wracking on many different levels. It had also been a while since I wore anything formal, so it felt strange looking at myself in this outfit, a classic suit and my hair styled a bit more well kept so I wouldn't come off as unprofessional. In the bathroom, I stared in the mirror, but saw my twelve year old self in the reflection, still in love with what he was doing. Completely carefree of any problems the world may have been throwing at him. Suddenly, I felt my phone vibrate in my pocket. Checking to see who had texted me, I realized that it was Zeke.

Dumbass: Good luck lil bro :)

"Number 4, Eren Jaeger?" called out one of the operators from backstage.

"Here." I replied, lifting my hand so his attention would be brought to me.

"You're on in five."

"Thank you." That was my cue to make my way to the stage entrance. I heard little glimpses of the performance before me, it would be a tough act to follow but I enjoyed a bit of a challenge now and then. The performer on stage began playing the last few bars of her piece, and once she finished, the audience roared with applause. I wiggled my fingers as I congratulated her on her performance and she wished me luck. I guess I'm doing this again. I honestly never thought I would come back to it, but here I was. I still didn't necessarily have a plan for next year now that highschool was done, but I knew that it would work out. The warm stage lights hit my face as the concert hall dissolved into silence. I was too nervous to look at the crowd at all but I knew it was Jean that unprofessionally hollered out "That's my friend!" followed by a few chuckles and faint hisses, probably from Mikasa. That kind of helped my anxiousness roll down my spine and I seated myself on the stool.

I played just like I had played the night I came up with it. I had tweaked it here and there and made it a bit longer of course. I had also added some technical parts to impress the judges but it was really the same at the core. I wouldn't call this piece a memory, I'd call it an expression of how memories made me feel. A symbol of every emotion Levi had made me feel. I was saying everything I wanted to say without speaking a word. I called out for him, I begged for forgiveness, I begged for another chance, but I also screamed out loud, that even though things ended up being so horribly messed up and complicated, even if both of us endured a good amount of suffering leading up to this point, that I regretted nothing. I regretted absolutely nothing. He was too beautiful to me for me to hold any kind of negative emotion toward him. I know how badly things ended, but I relied on the fact that I felt too strongly for him for things not to be okay. Even if he stopped loving me, and even at the thought of him never loving me again, I was blissfully playing the notes that reflected our time together.

The last note rang throughout the hall in tense silence for long moments, before the crowd finally erupted in classy, but enthusiastic applause. Some had asked for an encore but i didn't have an encore piece prepared so it wouldn't have been possible, and we were at a competition anyways so I doubted the judges would let me. My hands were still shaking uncontrollably as the fact that I had just played piano competitively again in front of hundreds seeped into my brain. I looked down at my quivering palms and saw a drop of water drop onto them. I didn't even realise that that drop of water wasn't sweat, but tears. I stood up from my stool and gave a bow. Before I took my leave, the crowd stood up, making my legs weak with embarrassment as well as astonishment. I heard jean holler again but he wasn't shushed by Mikasa this time. I scanned the crowd, looking for where his scream had come from and where my family and the rest of my friends were. But before I could look on the other side of the hall, I was met by the gaze of the two, piercing, intoxication and infatuation raincloud coloured eyes for whom I had even written this piece for in the first place. They were teary too, and he wore a melancholic grin as he looked directly at me, clapping and slightly hopping so he could see over the man in front of him. I think I had lost my hearing for a moment because I could still see the crowd applauding, but no sound came through, and all I could think in that moment was the phrase he once whispered in my ear the night everything fell apart between us:

'Spero vos scitis quanta ego te amo.'