The Consequence ✔︎ Blake Griffin

22 ✔︎Earned not Given

Two Weeks Later - July

Blake

The wheelchair sitting in front of the door to my hospital room was supposed to be symbolic of the fact that I was finally leaving this God-forsaken place. Instead, it just screamed that I still wasn't at full capacity and wouldn't be for awhile; that Jubilee and I's relationship was still broken; that Trenton was still down the hall in a coma.

Jubilee was discharged two weeks ago since she had a mild concussion and sprained wrist, injuries that could heal at home. She only stayed as long as she did to be around me although she mostly sulked and smothered. I loved her for how she wanted to take responsibility, but I hated that she felt guilty. It almost felt like my actions were futile because they didn't lead to Jubilee being completely free from this situation.

She, along with my family and friends, came to visit every day doing their best to portray positivity despite the fact that they knew we had a long, uphill battle to climb. DeAndre was even helping me with my rehab. But it all felt so heavy. Burdensome. Punishing.

Our lives were all on pause as I tried to heal as quickly as possible because no one was exactly in the mood to enjoy Hawaii or celebrate the elimination of Trenton as a threat to us when I was still in the hospital, barely able to walk and unable to use my right hand. We were all still paying for Trenton even while he was in a coma.

And if I'm completely honest, I was still feeling guilty for what I'd said to Jubilee before Trenton's attack. I tried to put on a good face and remind Jubilee of our destiny, but I had been doubting it myself lately. We finally had our whole lives ahead of us, and yet, the aftermath of Trenton, not even his actual presence, still lingered. Add my dumbass comment moments before Trenton's attack, and our relationship, once amazing in its simplicity, was now overly complicated.

"Baby? Are you alright? I thought you'd be more excited about leaving!" Jubilee asked as soon as she entered my room to pick me up and take me home.

"Huh? Oh yea, I'm good," I answered after being pulled out of my melancholy thoughts, "I'm excited, but I just hate how slow going everything seems to be. I just want everything to go back to normal."

I hesitated to look Jubilee in the eyes because I know she always became overwhelmed with guilt whenever I talked about our current situation. I assumed that's why we hadn't been talking much outside of anything related to the baby. In response to her guilt she tried to smooth everything over and make things ok when they weren't.

I hated seeing her anxious or crying, so I often talked to her about the power of our love and future, but even that was getting old. If I am the only one convinced about what I think we have and how I think it can help us overcome, what's the point?

It's also possible that she didn't truly believe anything I said after telling her she was messed up by Trenton. It sounded so much worse any time I replayed it and her response, a face of brokenness, in my head.

"I understand. Maybe if we get you in this wheelchair and wheel you outta here your process will start to feel more real..."

I shook my head, "No. I am not being wheeled out of here. I will walk. I don't care how long it takes. And Dr. Brown can talk all the trash he wants."

Jubilee chuckled and shook her head, pushing the wheelchair back out into the hall before making her way over to me.

I turned my head toward her to thank her for having my back with this wheelchair shit, but immediately lost my train of thought as I took in my girlfriend, like really took her in, for the first time in three weeks.