The Consequence ✔︎ Blake Griffin

28 ✔︎Stand the Rain

I dedicate this chapter to Bfhodge!! Thank you so much for voting on every chapter of books one and two of the Jubilake series!! 😭🥺 I'm always so excited to have new supporters of my writing! 🥰  Hope you enjoy this chapter! 💜

Jubilee

Jubilee,

This was Marieka's idea, so I'm not really sure what to do here. Everyone's worried about me, and I can't seem to care about anything but the fact that you left. Every day or so, she comes over with Taylor, and she cleans and sometimes brings over meals from their house for me to eat, as if I care about eating, while Taylor tries his best to get me outta this funk by bringing up basketball, Ford, DJ, our parents, comedy...basically everything but you. And then, of course, he brings you up, very delicately and very rarely. I guess he can see in my bloodshot eyes that talking about you hurts just as much as attempting to avoid the fact that you're not here.

Today they both tried talking to me about you though, and ultimately, it was Marieka who told me to think of ways to still feel close to you to maybe motivate me to do something instead of wasting away in this big ass house when Ford isn't here. And so I wound up here, in the office where you'd carved out your own space to work during your temporary stay before all hell broke loose in our lives. You left some random pieces of paper, sticky notes, and napkins with poems, finished and unfinished, and it took me back to the days when we'd sit in the backyard or on the couch in a content silence and you'd write while I reviewed film or read over contracts or just watched you in your element. I found myself watching you in your element more than anything else. The way you'd chew on your lip when you'd made some sort of breakthrough. The way you erased and scribbled over things you were frustrated or unhappy with. The way you sat back and sighed in contentment when you finished a piece. And obviously, my favorite, when your light brown cheeks would burn with nervousness right before you started reading something to me upon my request.

So, here I am. Trying my hand at writing. I'll have something to say to Taylor and Marieka about how I'm not a complete invalid, and maybe, just maybe I'll start to feel better about all of this...

I miss you so fucking much, Ju, I don't even know how to explain it. I knew you had infiltrated every aspect of my life, but you can't really know until someone is gone, I guess...I'm trying to remember the last time I had to do anything without you by my side, and the truth is, college is the last time we were apart for extended periods of time. You moved to California for your first teaching job, and we've been inseparable ever since. You're my friend, my partner, Ford's second mom, my support system. You're everything. You're mine.

But, you're also gone. Why did you leave me, Ju? I know what your letter says, but I can't let myself believe that you thought the solution to our problems was to be apart. Did you not believe I could protect you and our child? Do you not feel safe with me? What did I do wrong to make you think that? The moment I kissed you after my first game in the NBA I told myself I'd do whatever it took to keep you in my life, no matter how much it hurt to just be your friend. But obviously it wasn't enough. Not enough for you to not lie to me. To make love to me and leave the next morning. To decide by yourself the fate of our family. Where did I mess up, Ju? Why was nothing I did or said enough?

Maybe this writing thing isn't a good idea after all.

The droplets of my tears joined what looked like dried tears of Blake's at the bottom of his letter.