A chance to love again

II

Can

Selling her turning her back on me and leaving, I realize that I have been heavy in my manners and words, I would have never thought of addressing a woman in such a brutal way and even more so a woman who had been precious to me like no one before.

This is what burns me the most, I let myself go unconditionally to love for the first time in my life and from her I received nothing but lies and betrayals.

I'm shaken by what happened, angry that I allowed someone to get so close to me that they touched my heart and then hurt me so much.

I turn around hearing footsteps, thinking she's back, but it's none other than Polen.

- Can, are you okay? Do you need to talk? Shall we discuss travel arrangements? -

- No Polen, thank you but I don't feel like talking right now if you don't mind -

- It's late, I don't feel like tackling these mountain roads at this time of night, is it okay if I stay here? -

I'm distracted by my heart still racing, I can't stop opening and closing my hands trying to relax the tension.
Distractedly I tell her - Yes, yes, of course, go ahead and settle inside the shed, I'll stay outside no problem -

In a corner of my mind I think that I let her go in the dark of the night without making sure that she could have called a cab, I'm about to move towards my jeep to make sure that she left without any problem when again Polen's voice interrupts my thoughts.

- Where are you going Can? You're not going to leave me here alone are you? It's so secluded here, I'm scared, please don't go -

I feel conflicted, but eventually realize that it's been a long time, if she had trouble finding a cab she would have definitely turned around at this point.

I nod and sit in front of the fire that I set up in the clearing in front of the cabin, I say goodnight to her to let her know that I don't feel like talking and I stare at the flames for hours.

I think about how stupid it was of me to open my heart to that woman and allow her to break it once again.

After what my mother had put me through as a child, I promised myself that I would never allow anyone close enough to hurt me again.

But here I was, heartbroken and trust betrayed for the umpteenth time, she had already done it and yet I had tried to overcome what had happened because of Emre in the name of the love I felt bound to her.
I had trusted her, she had promised me that she would never keep anything from me again and instead she betrayed me again.

It's over, I can't trust her anymore, I can't allow her to get close to me, I realize that if I do, it could destroy me permanently.

I must remain firm in my purpose, settle the last things in the agency and then leave for this job in the Balkans.
It will be good for me to have a change of air and environment, it wasn't my habit to stay so long in one place, I thought I had found someone worth staying for, but evidently that wasn't the case.

I want to leave as soon as possible and leave Istanbul and all that it has represented in these last months behind me, there is nothing and no one to keep me here anymore.