A chance to love again

XXXIX

Can

I go back to my boat, defeated at not having been able to reach her, thinking about how the course of things has once again completely changed, when I get to the boat I moor it properly, something that in my haste to get off I had not done a short while before.

I see my phone in the compartment under the helm and reach for it, my heart leaps when I read that there's a message from her.

"Can, lütfen, please I'm not running away from you, I'm going to find myself. Can you allow me to do that? I won't disappear, I promise, I'll keep in touch with you don't worry. Lütfen."

That message gives me hope, I get off the boat again and head towards the centre of Naples.

I walk slowly, hands in my pockets, head down looking at the ground as I think back to what she told me on that beach the last time we met. She asked me for time and space to think, she begged me to give her time, she didn't rule out the possibility that there might be a chance for us, she just said she needed to get her thoughts straight.
Is it fair that after this plea of hers I ran after her trying to stop her?
Am I not once again putting my own beliefs and needs ahead of hers?
Can always wants to decide for both of us, as if Sanem is not capable of doing it herself.

If I look at it from this angle mine is just a lack of trust, not recognizing her ability to make her own decisions and to be able to handle herself is yet another selfish act on my part . For the umpteenth time I put my own needs, my need for her, at the centre of our relationship.
I now realise clearly that if I love her I must respect her and accept her decisions.

I walk along the promenade for a long time, I have already been here once, I have a close friend who has an advertising company similar to Fikri Harika in this city. Suddenly an idea begins to form in my mind, I try to call him right away, he is surprised and enthusiastic to know that I am in Naples and makes an appointment to meet me for dinner at Pizzeria Sorbillo, one of the most famous in the city for its excellent pizza. Well, I hope he can help me realise what I have in mind. I stroll for a long time through the streets of the city centre, appreciating the liveliness of this beautiful city, and in the meantime I work out my plan of action for the near future. I arrive in Via dei Tribunali, where the pizzeria is located, right on time to meet Matteo.

I see him arrive smiling and we exchange a warm embrace before going inside to taste the wonderful pizza they prepare there. We met during a trip to Greece many years ago and we have kept in touch over time. During the dinner I explain him my idea, I ask him if I can rent a space in his agency, the sets and the contacts with the local model companies, to work from here on the campaigns that Fikri Harika is following at the moment in Turkey so that I don't have to come back for the moment.

I don't know why but I'm sure Sanem has stayed in Italy, I don't want to move from here for now, I'll give her some time and space and then I'll go and look for her.
This is the best compromise I can find in this moment between her desire to be alone and my visceral need to be near her.

Matteo is enthusiastic about the idea of having me around for a while, we have always been very good together, he is a person I respect very much professionally and humanly. We part at the end of the evening with the understanding that we'll meet the next day at his agency, which fortunately isn't too far from the port, and that I'll be at his place for dinner the following evening because he wants me to meet his wife and son.

I returned to the boat with a spirit lifted by the fact that I had a plan of action. I was aware that I would have to be patient and instead I tried from the first moment I saw her to put pressure on her, I wanted to solve everything and immediately, I had to understand instead that it would take time for her to accept me back into her life.

I can do that, it's enough for me to know that she's not too far away from me and that she gets in touch from time to time, as if she's heard my thoughts, I hear a notification come through, it's her.

- Arrived at my destination safe and sound, you can rest easy and sleep soundly Can Divit. Iyi geceler, good night -

I answer her immediately, smiling and happy that she kept her promise to stay in touch with me.

- Iyi geceler sevgilim, my dear -

I have to make do with this for now, the stakes are too precious to risk ruining everything with my impatience.

Sakin ol, stay calm Can, one step at a time and you'll get her back if you play your cards right.