A chance to love again

XLVII

Can

We are living magical days, our hearts and bodies are getting to know each other again, I realized that Sanem has lost that familiarity we had in touching each other that we had achieved in our relationship over time. It is as if my touch has somehow returned to being foreign to her, new, she has lost the confidence to touch me herself as she had just begun to do when our story had had the terrible ending that I myself had caused.

As the days go by, I see her relaxing more and more beside me, becoming again as talkative and spontaneous as the girl I had fallen in love with so long ago. We spend the whole day together walking or simply sitting on the sofa while she writes and I do some paperwork for the Fikri Harika.

The days go by fast and we are getting closer and closer, more and more intimate in our gestures and in the way we approach each other, many things are contributing, even the fact that we were together at her regular check-up.

I was agitated and felt awkward, I was afraid of not knowing where to put myself and what to do, Sanem herself reassured me and guided me, once she was lying on the bed she stretched out a hand towards me so that I could take it. I approached her as she lifted her top and lowered her maternity trousers to reveal her abdomen and allow the doctor to proceed with the ultrasound scan.

I was enchanted as I saw for the first time the belly rounded by the presence of our son, it was incredibly beautiful and exciting, I didn't expect it to be so immersive, but it was nothing compared to the sound that came out of the ultrasound machine shortly afterwards.

A strong and rhythmic beat, the heart of my son, a sound that was life and hope for the future, it was me and it was her, it was us, a life that was ready to come into the world shortly thereafter, very unexpected but amazing. I thought I couldn't breathe so much emotion, I squeezed Sanem's hand tightly and we looked into each other's eyes, moist with the emotion of that moment finally shared, but the wonder wasn't over yet, when the doctor showed us the monitor we could recognise arms and legs and a profile with a perfectly outlined little nose. I felt my legs almost give way with excitement, I had never wondered what it would be like, it had all been so sudden that I had not had time to think about what I was going to experience next and this was definitely unexpected and amazing.

I couldn't take my eyes off the screen for a moment, all I could do was squeeze Sanem's hand even tighter and bring it to my lips for a kiss of joy and gratitude for what she was allowing me to experience.

It was an extraordinary moment for both of us but also a turning point for our relationship, somehow having shared something so intense and intimate allowed us to get closer, made us feel closer to each other. We left the doctor's office with the printout of the ultrasound images under our arms and a silly ecstatic smile on both of our faces, we held hands as if to keep that special bond that had been created in those intense moments.

We had dinner in the usual little restaurant on the harbour and then slowly walked back to Sanem's house hand in hand in silence, lost in the bliss of the moment we had experienced together just before. When we arrived at the front door I was ready to hold her in my arms for the usual goodnight kiss when I saw her open the door and hold out her hand decisively.

- Come Can, stay with me tonight and the nights to come, I don't want to be separated from you anymore, I need to feel you close tonight to continue to live the indissoluble bond that I feel now unites us. Let's start by spending the night in each other's arms, if that's all right with you, then gradually everything else will come....

It didn't seem real, it was what I had dreamed of since I had met her and what I had yearned for with all my heart since I had lost her, all I needed was to hold her in my arms, that was all I asked for, I knew I had to be patient.

I nodded, unable to utter a single word, so much emotion was gripping my heart in my throat. Once inside the house she stopped and looked at me intently, I didn't know what to do or say, apparently she did because she simply rested her head on my chest and hugged me tightly, she needed this at that moment, to feel loved and protected in the arms of someone who loves her.

Holding her tightly made me feel in heaven, finally strong in my love for her and our baby, it made me feel home and at home.

We stayed for so long, paid only for being together, with the treasure of our baby tight and protected between our embraced bodies, that was all that mattered at that moment, I felt for the first time that we had become something different, we were not just two guys in love, we were finally FAMILY regardless of the existence of any legal or moral constraint.

She broke away from the embrace to go to the bathroom and came out shortly after wearing a lovely nightgown that only emphasized the rounded line of her abdomen, wonderful! She returned to the living room to take me by the hand and lead me into the room with her.

- Embrace me Can, hold me close to you, don't let me go any more -

She lay down on the bed on her side, I quickly got rid of my shoes, jeans and jumper and was on the bed behind her, I hugged her hiding my face in the crook of her neck to inhale the scent of the woman I love more than anything else in the world.

- I'm here Sanem - I put my hands on her abdomen stroking it gently - I'm here with you and I'll never leave you again -