A chance to love again

XVI

Can

As soon as I get out of the shower I'm getting ready to go to the agency when the insistent ringing of the phone takes me away from the dark thoughts that have been my only companions in life for days now. Layla?

My heart stops beating for a moment, why would she call me so early in the morning? Something must have happened to Sanem.

- Layla? -

- Can, sorry to bother you I just wanted to know if you've heard or seen Sanem-

I shake my head as if she can see me while my brain is already working out a thousand conjectures as to why Layla would be looking for Sanem from me.

- No Layla, why are you asking me that question? Where is Sanem? Why don't you know where she is? -

- Never mind, thanks anyway Can -

- Don't you dare hang up, you called me and now I'm worried sick, tell me what's going on.

- Well, this morning we woke up and we didn't see her come down for breakfast, I went to call her and I found her room empty and a note on her pillow telling us to take care of her but she needs to go away for a while -

I sit down on the bed without realizing it, my legs have given out, I can't believe what's happening. What do you mean gone away? Where? Layla greets me hastily and as the first thing I try to dial Sanem's phone number, a metallic voice informs me that the user is not reachable at the moment.

No, no, no she can't do that to me, she can't just disappear into thin air like that. Sakin ol, calm down Can, think about who might have said where she went? Maybe Ayhan? She may be the only one who knows where Sanem has gone, unfortunately I don't have her number and as things stand, I don't think Layla will give me any information even if she finds out.

I finish getting ready in a hurry and, in the grip of a growing agitation, I rush to the agency to ask Cey Cey, Deren and Guliz if they know anything, if Sanem has mentioned to them her intention to leave, to go somewhere in particular. Nothing, they are surprised by my questions, they had no idea she wanted to leave. I try dialling her number again as I enter my office, but once again she is unreachable.

I sit at my desk with my head in my hands, desperate and anxious at the thought of not being able to reach her.

Was her handing me the vial of perfume her goodbye? Did she mean to indicate that this was the only thing I would have of her from that moment on? How could I blame her, the way I had behaved it really did seem like I wanted nothing more than that from her.

Emre walks into my office and asks me worriedly - Can, did something happen? -

- Emre is gone, she's disappeared, not even her sister and parents have any idea where she is, this morning Layla desperately even called me hoping that I had heard from her somehow. What am I going to do now? How am I going to find her?

He comes over and puts her hand on my shoulder - Come on Can, don't despair, there must be a way to find her right? Listen, just be patient, she'll soon show up with her parents or sister and give them some directions. Let's do this, I'll look into Layla, see if I can get some more information out of her, tamam, ok?

I nod without raising my head, I have little hope that it will work, if she didn't tell them right away where she was going I don't think she's going to tell them later either.

Think Can, think who knows?

Metin, maybe he had to make Metin aware of his movements since he is the one looking after his interests. I dial his number immediately.

- Abi, brother, can we meet in an hour at the usual restaurant on the waterfront? -

- Sure Can, did something happen? Do you feel strange? -

- Let's talk later, tamam, OK? -

-Ok-

I can hardly conclude anything, my mind in turmoil and a weight on my heart that takes my breath away. I can't believe she's gone, even left her family behind. Only one thought comes to mind: how much harm have I done to her to take such a drastic decision? How much is she suffering because of me?

Lunch time finally arrives and I join Metin at the usual unpretentious little restaurant we've been going to since high school.

- So Can, do you want to tell me what's going on? You look terrible.

-Metin she left a note to her parents saying she needs to get away but she didn't tell anyone where she was going. Do you know anything? Did she give you a contact number? -

- Sakin ol, calm down Can, no I don't know anything and even if I did you know very well that I couldn't share any information with you, as her lawyer I am bound by attorney-client privilege. I didn't expect her to do something like this, this is just confirming my impression man, you hurt her pretty bad, she is hurt and angry and you know better than me that an angry woman can do anything, this is proof of that. What are you going to do now? -

- I don't know who to ask, I have no idea how to go about finding her -

- Listen, I use the services of a very good private investigator, if you want I can give you his contact details, I think he knows very well where to start to find a person who wants to make himself untraceable. The sooner you start searching the better in my opinion.

A faint hope seems to be rekindled at his words, I accept enthusiastically and call him to fix an appointment as soon as we say goodbye to Metin and leave the restaurant. We'll meet in the evening luckily, we have to move as soon as possible he tells me, while the track is still hot.

I can't go back to the agency, I'm in no condition to work at the moment. I reach "our" rocks, those that have witnessed so many moments of us: courtships, love, fights, misunderstandings and reconciliations.

For hours I watch the waves move as restlessly as my mind in turmoil, I think of her.

I would like to have you here Sanem, just for a few moments, to explain what happened, what misunderstandings were deliberately created between us, to tell you how much I love you, how sorry I am for having acted thoughtlessly.

I would like to, I would like to .... but at the moment it seems that this dream is far from coming true, who knows where you are, who knows how you are, who knows how many kilometres you have put between us.