A chance to love again

XIV

Can

The meeting was devastating, seeing her so adamant about cutting me out of her life for good destroyed me.

She's angry, she's hurt and I can't blame her I didn't cut her out of my life first?

I still can't understand how I could have thought of leaving her, of going away and abandoning her when now the mere thought of having to face another day, another week without seeing her seems intolerable.

My gloomy thoughts are interrupted by the ringing of the phone, I activate the speakerphone as I continue driving, it's my friend Metin, amazing how he sounds as if he can sense that I need him.

- Abi, how have you been? I haven't heard from you, are you ok Can? -

- Metin, nothing is going right, on the phone it's complicated to explain, how about joining me at the hut? Would you like that? -

- Sure, no problem, I'll pick up some food for dinner and be there.

I hang up with a slightly uplifted spirit at the thought of seeing Metin, he has always been able to help me see things in the right perspective, I hope he succeeds this time as well because I really don't see any solution at the moment whichever way I look at the situation.

I arrive at the hut and I start to light the fire and set the table, I have just finished when I see my old friend arrive with his bright smile and his hands full of take away bags.

He lays them on the table and squeezes me tight in a brotherly embrace that never seems to end, it's as if he already knows everything, knows how I feel and what I need right now.

We break away to look into each other's eyes for a moment, that's how it is, he already knows everything, with him there's no need for words to express what I'm feeling, a glance is enough to understand each other.

He pats me on the shoulder and invites me to sit down before the dinner gets cold, while we eat he tells me about the latest news regarding mutual friends trying to lighten the atmosphere for a while, at least the time to eat something.

Once finished I get up to throw away all the food containers, I go back to sit down and start talking like a river in flood, I think I have never talked so much in my life. I try to make him understand how I felt betrayed, how I didn't reason, how I feel miserable because of what happened, how Sanem doesn't want anything more to do with me.

He listens to me in silence, his expression surprised when he hears about the accident and the serious consequences it had.

I stop talking as suddenly as I started, I've spilled the beans and I feel exhausted and exhausted by all the violent emotions that the story of what happened has made me relive.

Metin looks at me in silence for an interminable time before speaking.

- Can, honestly this time I don't understand you, I don't understand what went through your mind. I'm sorry to say this man but you really screwed up in the worst way, I can't understand why you attacked her, tell me why? For sacrificing something precious to her? For trying to help you in a difficult moment?
I understand pride, but that girl would have done anything for you and this has become a guilt?
I'm sorry abi, but really your behaviour doesn't make sense, isn't it that things were getting too serious and you wanted to find an excuse to run away? Think well friend, because I really don't understand and I don't recognize you.
To put your hands on her, to yell at her, to let her go away in the middle of the night alone, what's gotten into you?

You know that you are a brother to me, but my sense of justice in this situation really can't find a justification for your behaviour -

He sighs, stands up and starts walking back and forth running his hand through his hair then returns to sit in front of me.

- Listen Can I have seen Sanem several times in the last few days, I had no idea what had happened nor did she mention anything except that she had an accident, but I wanted to call you to find out what had happened because frankly the one who showed up in my office is not the Sanem I knew.
She is a woman wounded in body and spirit, distressed and suffering, it is as if her light had gone out and she was just an empty shell. Look, I don't want to rub it in, but man, this time you need to do some serious soul-searching to understand what went through your mind and learn from your mistakes -

I can't do anything but lower my head and remain silent.

Metin has always been like that, he is not the friend who always tries to justify you, to make you feel that you are right at all costs even if you are dead wrong.
He is a sincere friend and that is why I appreciate him enormously.

- Having said that, I would now like to understand what you intend to do because, as I see it, the situation is not at all simple. What are you going to do?
Are you going to give up defeated and admit your faults by retreating quietly or are you going to fight for the woman you claim to love?

Think about it Can you have already broken up and then reconciled but this time the situation is very, very different, I will always be by your side as far as I am concerned even if you remember that Sanem is my client and what she shares with me can only stay between us, that must be clear.

I look at him realising the meaning of his words - You assisted her in selling the perfume didn't you? -

He shakes his head - Can, I repeat, as far as my working relationship with her is concerned, I can't tell you anything if you ask me to give you my opinion as Sanem's friend, I'm telling you that you've done a big damage, man, if you think you want her back you'll have to be ready to work, and hard, otherwise I don't think you'll get anywhere -

We have a drink together and then he leaves me alone with my thoughts, I can't help but agree with every word he said, every accusation he made against me, now I just had to find within myself the answer to the question he had asked me:

How hard was I going to fight to get her back?