A chance to love again

XXXV

Can

The dawn of the next day finds me asleep on the bow of the boat with only an empty bottle of whisky to keep me company. I wake up with a terrible headache and a horrible taste in my mouth, maybe it was not the best idea to get drunk until I fell asleep, but evidently the tension of the last months, especially the last few days, had reached a breaking point that I needed to overcome with a little help.

I knew it wouldn't be easy, I can't and I don't want to give up, on the contrary I am determined to give more and more, I get up with difficulty feeling definitely knocked out, but it's nothing that an analgesic and a nice shower can't solve. Shortly after, in fact, I feel reborn and ready to get busy to show that beautiful and stubborn woman that I love her.

I move quickly to do whatever is necessary and at 8.30 everything is ready, I take myself under the terrace of her flat, put my hands in a funnel around my mouth and start calling her - Saaaneeeeemmmm, Saaaanneeeeemmmm! -After a few firm calls she appears slightly dishevelled in a lovely nightdress, ah how adorable she is in the early morning!

- Can, what's up? Do you want to wake up the whole residence? What do you want? -

-Come down Sanem, I have something to show you.

- What is it?

- Sürpriz, it's a surprise, if I tell you what it is it won't be a surprise anymore, will it? -

She stares at me doubtfully for a few moments, then seems to be convinced. 'OK, give me a few minutes and I'll come down.

I am as agitated as a teenager in love, I realise that, but every yes from her is an unexpected conquest for me!

Ten minutes later she arrives with a questioning look on her face, I don't give her time to speak, I take her hand and drag her towards the place of our first meeting on the island: the old fisherman's boat - Can? -

- A moment and you'll understand - We walk around the boat and my surprise is soon revealed, a restaurant on the harbour has prepared everything for me, a cheerful tablecloth, a hearty breakfast and refined crockery for a romantic breakfast.

She looks at me in amazement, I take her hand - Come on, sit down, let's eat - She's not exactly at ease, but fortunately she does what I ask.
I try to break the ice a little - Can I ask you a question? - She nods even though she keeps to herself - Why Ischia? Did you come here to meet Osman? -

She smiles - No, not really, I chose Ischia before I knew that Osman was coming here to shoot a commercial, I saw a report on TV about Ischia when I was a girl and I fell in love with the images of these places, I told myself that if one day I had the opportunity to travel I would come here first and so it was -

She seems to have relaxed, eats with gusto and tells me what struck her about this place, which seemed like a real paradise combining the incredible clarity of the water with the typical construction and lush vegetation in every corner of the island.

Encouraged by her relaxed attitude, I tell her how the Greek islands have always enchanted me in the same way, with their villages perched on the sides of steep mountains, like little cribs, against deep blue skies.
I feel like I'm back in the old days, when my Sanem used to spend hours listening to the stories of my travels, just as I did when she told me about her dreams as a writer and the places she imagined visiting one day. We spend moments that I never hoped to experience with her again.

Suddenly, however, I see her face change expression, her face frowns, she abruptly gets up and walks away towards the sea, I don't understand what happened to her, it seems to me that she is simply trying to breathe deeply while looking towards the horizon.

-Sanem, are you alright? -

She nods, but continues to stand there motionless -This has been happening to me from time to time for some time now-.

My sense of guilt comes back to the forefront, could it be that she has panic attacks after the accident? I know it can happen in cases of post-traumatic stress - Do you need some water? -

She's shaking her head - No, thank you. It's going away. It's not necessary -

She sits back down but the spell seems to have broken, she's back to being distant and silent, she nods at my words as I try to keep the conversation going but she's not as active a part of it as before. She lifts her face to the warmth of the salt and takes deep breaths, I don't understand what's happening to her but I wish I could hug her right now, she seems so fragile.

To shake me from these thoughts I hear the call in Italian of a mother to her 4/5 year old boy who, as soon as he has gone down the stairs to the beach, has freed himself from his mother's grasp and is running at breakneck speed towards the sea. I look at him, between amused and worried, I have the impression that he is running too determinedly and convincingly towards the shoreline and in a moment he is in the water. His mother calls him loudly, but he seems deaf to every appeal to turn back or stop, he continues to move determinedly towards the high water, I realize with a shudder that the sea at that point must be higher than it seems and in an instant I am on my feet and running towards the sea while I see him disappear in the waves.
His mother desperately calls for help, shouting that she doesn't know how to swim, I jump into the sea while his face emerges and then disappears again underwater. Luckily I manage to reach him in a few strokes and holding him tightly with one arm I swim towards the shore where Sanem and his mother are waiting for us, very worried.

We arrive on the beach when the little one is shivering with cold in my arms and is calling insistently for his mother, whining, I take him to her who has already prepared a blanket which he had obviously brought to sit on the seashore.
Sanem touches my arm worried? - Are you alright? - I nod decisively while I watch the child regain his serenity thanks to the warmth of his mother's embrace, he does not seem to have been affected by what has happened fortunately, I move closer and crouch down next to him to speak to him in Italian - I recommend you, do not do it again, you cannot run like that in the water alone, always stay close to your mother, ok? - The child smiles and nods, I mess up his hair returning his toothless smile, his mother can't stop thanking me.

We turn away to head back to our picnic, I try to play it down - There's nothing to do, I can't stay dry when I'm around you, would you happen to have a plaid or two I could borrow? -

She looks at me smiling at my joke but with a strange look on his face - I was so scared, children can be so unpredictable, you have to have a thousand eyes on them, his exuberance could have taken a bad turn if you hadn't been there to save him -

- That's true, but aren't they wonderful for that? Tender and unpredictable, I guess you were a lively child when you were little too, I certainly was, I was always climbing somewhere - She gives me a strange look and changes the subject - Do you want to go upstairs and dry off, AGAIN?

I smile - No, there's no need, with this nice sunshine it won't take long for my clothes to dry quietly. Rather, how about after breakfast I take you for a scooter ride around the island? -

Shee seems to think carefully about my proposal, but finally shakes her head - Thank you but I just want to be alone, quiet, here on the beach without doing anything -.

-All right, no problem, but .... would you like to be alone with me? -

We both smile for a moment, a déjà vu that takes us back to another sea, to a time that seems so far away.

She looks me in the eyes, serious, as if this answer was fundamental for her and for me, she nods.
I nod too, small steps Can, the important thing is to go on, even if it is in very small steps.