A chance to love again

VII

Sanem

I wake up and a strong pain in my side assails me, preventing me from opening my eyes, I hear the voices of my father, my mother, my sister whispering to me to stay calm, not to move, then an unknown voice telling me that now it will pass. The pain slowly fades away and nothingness sucks me back in.

I don't know how much time has passed since I tried to open my eyes before, but this time the pain is more bearable and I can look around the room, dimly lit by the light of the rising sun.
I feel someone holding my hand, I look down and find that there is my sister sitting in a chair sleeping with her head on the mattress next to my legs as she holds my hand tightly.
I smile faintly thinking that the ice queen is not so icy after all.
I understand that I'm in a hospital room but I don't understand what happened, I try to remember the last moments before the darkness swallowed me and an image comes overpoweringly and violently to my mind: Can and Polen kissing.

I remember everything in an instant, Can yelling at me, Polen, the fall in the woods, Can and Polen spending the night together at the cabin, Can and Polen kissing in the office. The sudden pain I feel from those memories has nothing to do with the physical pain I feel if I try to move a single limb in my body.

I see my wrist in a cast and feel my chest oppressed by bandages that bind it tightly, I loosen my hand from Layla's thinking of uncovering myself to understand what happened to me when I see my sister's blue eyes fix on me.

- Sanem, abla, sister iyi misin, are you okay? -

- I feel like a steamroller ran over me, but I think I'm alive so I'm okay, what happened to my chest? -

Layla looked away from my face for a moment as if to think about what words to use to explain what happened.

-We understand that you must have fallen while walking alone at night in the woods, you broke your wrist but, more seriously, you bumped into something that caused a rib to break and it slowly pierced your lung.
You had a serious respiratory crisis and they had to intervene to fix the rib and close the tear in the lung -

I look at her shocked, I had felt intense pain but I never thought it could be so serious. With a shiver of fear I realized that I was in danger of not being able to get up from that fall, no one could have helped me if things had taken a turn for the worse, I was alone at night in the woods and no one knew where I was at that moment. Can...

I shake my head to get his name out of my head, I don't have to think about him anymore, our story is water under the bridge, he has moved on with his life and I will have to learn to do the same with mine.

My sister looks at me worriedly.

- Sanem, why didn't you call a cab, why did you venture alone in the dark on those dangerous streets? -

- It was stupid, I know, but the phone had no reception and I started walking without realizing it, I just wanted to get away from.... -

He takes my hand again and nods - Tamam, tamam, ok I got it, relax, don't think about it, it's all over now and soon you'll be fine the doctor said.
Now rest, I'm going to call the nurse to let her know you've woken up -

He leaves me alone with my thoughts that inevitably return to him, an insidious thought insinuates itself insidiously - If you can't be with him anymore, you might as well have died in those woods -.

I shake my head resolutely, I can't let certain ideas get in the way, it's over it's true, but I'll have to find the strength to move on somehow, I have to make myself brave.

Layla comes back with a nurse and a doctor who asks her to leave so he can examine me. He approaches and begins a very thorough examination from the pupils of the eyes to finish with checking the bandage on my chest.

- Miss Aydin, I have carefully avoided talking to your parents or your sister about this but you know that as soon as you enter the emergency room a series of tests are quickly done to see how we can proceed. Well, I can reassure you that we took all the necessary precautions once we found out about your condition and the surgery you underwent was done with all the necessary precautions -

I look at him questioningly, I don't understand the meaning of this long speech - I didn't understand doctor, what state? -

- Well, it has been ascertained that you  6 weeks pregnant so all precautions have been taken to prevent the fetus from suffering any damage from the thoracic surgery you underwent yesterday. Everything is normal, the baby has not been damaged neither by the fall nor by the consequences of the same or by the operation. You can rest assured -

I look at him dumbfounded, I can't process his words, I open and close my mouth several times unable to process a meaningful sentence.

- But, I can't be pregnant doctor, I mean I had my period about two weeks ago, it can't be -

The doctor looks at me seriously - In that case I suggest you to be very careful because what you mistook for a period could have been a threat of abortion, I recommend maximum rest for the next two months, no stress and no strain, okay? -

I nod in a daze, I can't believe what's happening to me, it can't be true, I can't wait for a baby from a man who left me and is already with another woman.

What was I going to do now?