A chance to love again

XXXI

Can

I manage to swallow a few bites of the food that is served to me right after she leaves so I quickly leave the restaurant to return to my siege station on the beach.

I want her to see me, I want her to realise that I'm not going to give up this time, that I'm going to do everything in my power to make her understand that I want her to never let her go again.

The weather is changing fast, I turn towards the sea only to realise that a real gale is approaching, I think for a moment about the boat which fortunately is safely moored in the harbour.

Shortly afterwards I start to hear the first drops of rain, which soon turn into a torrential downpour. I don't move, I don't care, I'm not going to die for a little rain, I'm used to everything at sea during the long crossings I've done in many years of sailing.

The sky becomes more and more hazy while a strong wind lashes my face with heavy, icy drops, but I insistently keep looking towards the terrace, I concentrate my mind on it, I think of Sanem's smile, I sigh, I would love to be the recipient of that beautiful smile again.

The rumble of thunder follows the flashes of lightning ever closer, the centre of the gale gets closer and closer. I am now completely, irretrievably drenched, but it doesn't matter, the storm will pass and the sun will return, just as I dream that the storm will soon pass between us and return for me that sense of peace that only next to her have I been able to experience in my life.

Ah Can, ah, how could you think of giving up what you had together, these are the thoughts that run through my head while the tension that has invaded me since the moment I sat down in front of her at that table, begins to melt into a soft cry that shakes me for I don't know how long, I can no longer tell where the tears end and the rain begins.

The storm rages violently outside and inside of me, perhaps this was what I needed after almost two months of constant anguish, remorse and regret.
Perhaps I needed this moment of release.

I try to clear my vision by running my hand over my face, but the rain is so violent that it is almost impossible to keep my eyes open.

The dark sound of another thunderclap seems to shake even the sand of the beach on which I am sitting, the wind hisses in my ears and I feel the heaviness of every single drop that hits me so much is the force with which they are falling, among all this at a certain point I seem to hear a voice calling me.

- Caaaaan-

I sharpen my eyesight to look through the wall of rain that is falling on me at that very moment, I can see her for a moment, it seems to me that she is making gestures with her hands in my direction, it takes me a few seconds to understand that she is telling me to go to her.
I stand up in disbelief and approach the building to make sure I wasn't dreaming, this time I clearly hear her voice calling me - Caaaannn, come here - I also think I hear her say "stupid goat" but I'm not really sure.

I run to the stairs and start climbing the steps two by two, I get to the wrought iron gate leading to her flat and find her standing on the other side of the grille trying to cover herself with a towel as she opens it to let me in. We run together to the veranda while another bolt of lightning rips through the sky and shortly thereafter yet another clap of thunder shakes the building, I see her gasp.

How I want to hug her! I know how afraid she is of storms, I had promised her one day that I would protect her forever, that I would hold her in my arms so that she would know that she didn't have to be afraid of anything, that I was there with her, and instead I had perhaps been the worst storm of her life.

We get to the porch, we're both out of breath, she turns to me furiously-

-What did you think you were doing? Stupid goat, what do you want to do standing there in the middle of such a mess? Do you want me to die? -

I run a hand over my face and eyes to get a better look at the face I love so much, she looks even more beautiful than I remember, it's instinctive, I can't stop myself, I reach out and take her in my arms. I feel her stiffen with surprise, then slowly she seems to relax, she sighs and I can't help but inhale her wonderful perfume, enjoying this brief moment of absolute happiness. Unfortunately, she soon realises what is happening, she stiffens again and pushes hard with her hands on my chest to release herself from that wonderful embrace.

- Ne yapıyorsun, what are you doing? -

-Excuse me, it was just a moment of weakness-.

She looks at me sullenly as her breathing still doesn't seem to have regained a natural rhythm, she runs a hand through her hair and sighs.

-Come on, go in the house and dry off, or even take a hot shower, you'll be freezing after being in the rain all that time. Haydi, come on, in the meantime I'll find something to give you to cover up when you're done.

I smile amused at her thoughtfulness, that's how my Sanem can be angry but she always has to take care of everyone.

She pushes me towards what must be the bathroom and then closes the door behind me, I'm ecstatic to feel surrounded by her wonderful scent, I inhale deeply, this is where I feel my Sanem.

I look around curiously, creams, make-up, soaps and a whole series of packages of medicines, I imagine they have been prescribed by the doctors for her convalescence: folic acid, a multivitamin complex, iron.

I wake up and hurry to undress and get into the shower, I'm actually starting to feel very cold, the warmth of the water gives me a wonderful feeling on my skin. I untie the ponytail that ties my hair and hurry to wash myself to get back to her as soon as possible, I'm eager to see how this unusual encounter will turn out.