A chance to love again

IV

Can

As she sets the tea cup down on the desk I notice her hands covered in scratches and grazes and I see a bandage on her wrist sticking out from under the sleeve of hersweater. Yesterday she didn't look like anything to me, I look up in surprise only to discover more grazes on her face, those definitely weren't there last night, it was dark outside the shed but I see so many now that I would have noticed if they were there.

- What happened to you? -

He doesn't have time to answer me that here comes Polen into the office.

- Can, aşkım, love why did you leave without waking me up this morning? -

I see the expression on Sanem's face change dramatically, I can't utter a single word of explanation that she has already left the room. I realize that she completely misunderstood Polen's words, or rather Polen made sure she misunderstood.

- Polen, how do you come up with such a sentence, do you have any idea what impression you gave? -

I see a sly smile appear on her face without her being able to disguise it.

- Of course you realize it, you did it on purpose, is that it? You wanted Sanem to think we spent the night together at the cabin didn't you? -

I leave the office looking for Sanem, I don't want her  to get the wrong idea, nothing changes as far as I'm concerned between us, but I don't want her to think that I slept with another woman two minutes after I broke up with her.

I don't see her in the large open space that houses the agency's creative team, I intercept Cey Cey and ask him if he has seen her, he shakes his head evidently surprised by my serious expression.
I rush down the stairs to check the archives but she's not even there, where the hell is she, she can't have left the agency.

I return to my office furious.

- Polen this has been too much, please leave this office, the agency and my life forever.
I have told you and I repeat that there can never be anything more between us, if you don't want to understand it and can't accept it then it is better that we each go our own way.
Please go away and don't come back, I don't want to see you ever again.

She seems shocked by my words, obviously she hadn't calculated that she could make me reach the limits of my tolerance with her machinations.
I see her take a breath and straighten her shoulders, she calmly walks over to my desk to pick up the purse she had placed there, then turns to me wading without speaking. I see her cast a brief glance over my shoulder towards the hallway and, without me being able to do anything to stop her, she wraps her arms around my neck and kisses me passionately.
It takes me a moment before I can react and pull her away.

- Ne yapıyorsun, what are you doing Polen? What were you thinking? -

The commotion coming from the hallway forces me to turn toward the door to see what's going on, several employees are bent over a person on the floor.
I rush towards them to figure out who it is only to be hit by a wave of terror seeing Sanem on the ground lifeless.

What? What happened? I make my way over, ask everyone to move away and leave space, I kneel next to her.
She's pale and seems to be struggling to breathe, her breath coming out in an eerie hiss from her mouth. The blood freezes in my veins, something very serious is happening.

- Quickly call for help, now! Sanem, Sanem, answer lutfen, please, Sanem, Sanem -

She doesn't react, minutes pass that seem like endless hours, it seems to me that her lips are turning cyanotic while her breathing is getting more and more labored, coming in and out at times shaking her whole body.

No, no, no. What's happening? She can't leave me, nothing bad can happen to her, no, no, no. It can't be, oh Allah, how could I have said it was over between us.
Just thinking about losing her right now I feel like I could die with her.
What have you done Can? How could you even think of living without her?
My eyes fill with tears, I feel like my breathing is getting more and more labored too, nothing bad can happen to her, not to her, no.

- Sanem, aşkım, my love, Sanem -

I hear Layla crying next to me, talking heartily on the phone to her parents.

The emergency room attendants finally arrive, they pull me away and shortly move her onto the stretcher and take her away.

I am petrified with fear, I feel someone touching my arm, I turn around as if in a trance to realize that it is Polen.

I snap back to reality and realize that the last thing Sanem must have seen before falling to the ground lifeless must have been her wrapped around my neck.
The anger mounts, I grab her wrist and drag her into my office.

- Leave immediately, I understand what you did, you saw Sanem coming in the hallway and you wanted her to witness our passionate kiss didn't you? I despise you Polen, I never want to see you again, hoşçakal, goodbye -

I take my jacket and leave the office without turning back, I have to go after the ambulance, I have to see which hospital they are taking her to, I have to be close to her, I have to understand what is happening to her, why is she breathing so hard?

Allah, please don't let anything happen to her, I can't live without her, I realize that now, I was a fool, how could I have thought I could live without the other half of my heart?