A chance to love again

XLII

Sanem

It's almost a month now that I've been in Camogli and many things are happening to me and around me.

Living on my own for the first time is helping me to gain self-confidence, I feel free and in control of my life, it's an overwhelming sensation, it seems to me that everything is possible, I feel I can reach any goal, everything is turning out for the best.

About a week after my arrival, I received an unexpected email. One of the publishers to whom I had sent some chapters of my manuscript contacted me to say that they were interested in publishing it and asked me to call their literary agent to arrange an appointment. Mr. Bülent was very kind, he understood the situation and we arranged a meeting by videoconference, he explained that they needed me to send them the complete manuscript and they would give me a definitive answer shortly.

It all happened very quickly, I sent the complete file and within a few days they sent me the draft contract to be returned to them signed in original.
I called Metin immediately and we agreed that he will check the contract and after his ok I can print it, sign it in duplicate and send it by international mail to his office, he will then take care of everything.

It doesn't seem true to me, here I am, almost a month after leaving Ischia, leaving the post office where I sent the contract for the publication of my book, my biggest dream is about to come true and I can't help but call him, the person who means the most to me in life, I feel the need to share the happiness of this moment with Can. I tell him the enthusiastic news and the words he says to me immediately afterwards touch my soul deeply:

- I am very happy for you Sanem, but I am not surprised at all, I firmly believe that you are unique, original and talented, there is magic in everything you do.
You are capable of achieving whatever you decide to do in life, I am sure of that.
You are unique, rare, without inhibitions, without limits, without filters, without pretence, without judgement, you are special and I, if you will allow me, will take care of you until the end of my days -

At that moment something clicked in me, it was as if Can had found, with those words, the right key that allowed him to open the lock with which I had firmly fixed invisible chains around my heart that morning when I had woken up in a hospital bed thinking all the worst about him.

- Can, can you  come to me? -

Silence.

- Can? -

- I'm speechless Sanem, I can't believe my ears, you don't know how much I've dreamt of hearing you say this, I'm excited, I'm happy, I'm ecstatic to see you again.
Give me time to sort out some things for Fikri Harika and I will join you wherever you are, by the way, where are you? -

- I'm in the beautiful town of Camogli, in Liguria, I live right in front of the harbour, I'll be waiting for you Can, we'll talk when you arrive -

- Soon Sanem, sevgilim, my dear, soon I will be with you -

We say goodbye in a dreamy voice both of us, I'm happy, it feels right, I think he has given me the greatest gift he could have given me, I felt the sincerity of his words and I'm sure he has really accepted me for what I am even though I'm imperfect.

Now that the decision is made I can't wait for him to be here....

I'm running to inform Elisa of all the news, she has been invaluable with me during this period, she has supported me in every way, she has also accompanied me to check-ups making sure to act as interpreter with the doctors.

Fortunately the pregnancy is going on smoothly and the nausea has started to give me a break, now I have to think about the most appropriate way to tell Can, it will be a shock for him as it was for me at the beginning. I hope with all my heart that he will be able to understand why I did not inform him before, if I have interpreted his words correctly he will understand my doubts and fears, I cannot think that he will react violently again to the fact that I have kept something from him.

Of course this is no small secret, but the situation was also very, very difficult for me to deal with and I realise now that even though in the first moments I said for sure that I would never tell him, deep down I knew that however things had gone between us I could never, ever keep him in the dark about something so important, Osman was right, he knows me better than anyone else in this life.

Soon, very soon he'll be here...