Never Not [Taekook]

NN 7

Jungkook.

Is it possible that when you see one of your friends cry like there's no tomorrow, you feel a sense of... hurt too? I mean, yes, I don't know the reason behind it, but watching him somehow inflicts an ache on me.

Taehyung has been acting really weird. In a different way, of course. He's been different ever since the celebration. First, it feels like he's being distant. If I didn't hold him tight during the meeting, he would run away. I don't know; I just sense that he doesn't want me to come near him. It's hard to explain, but he has become genuinely uncomfortable. And now, he's crying like a child. He was attempting to keep it a secret, but who is he kidding? I'm his best friend. I know him too well.

“Tae, are you sure you're okay?” I worriedly asked. He was just looking at his fingers the whole time since I sat beside him.

He nodded, still on his fingers. “I'm fine. Really... I'm fine,” he muttered.

I raised a brow and pushed my tongue on my cheek. “Are you saying that to answer my question or to convince yourself?” I asked.

That made him look up at me, tears soaking his eyes. My heart sank at the sight of him. I don't want to see him like this. It feels like I'm flying back to the past when I first met him — to the days I saw him with swollen and red eyes, to the nights I heard him secretly crying. It's slowly killing me.

I quickly cupped his face and wiped away his tears. “Tae? What's wrong?” I asked. He looked down, but I forced him to look at me. Then, he started crying.

He didn't speak nor sob. He just cried in silence. And it pains me. I sighed and hugged him. I wanted to make him feel that I am always here, ready to listen, ready to be his shoulder to cry on. After all, I'm his friend. Yeah, his best friend.

Tae continued crying on my shoulder, and I can't do anything to make him feel better. If only I knew what's on his mind, I could have done better than just hugging him.

I don't know if it's because of Bogum. But if anything, I want to punch that guy for hurting him like this. He caused Tae such pain he doesn't even deserve.

I rubbed his back as I hushed him. “Is it because of Bogum?” I softly asked.

Please say no...

Honestly, it pains me to think that this is all Bogum's fault, again. It hurts to think that he's crying over that guy once more. It hurts to think that maybe, just maybe, Tae still loves him.

I sighed, pulling him in even closer. “Tae, if this is about Bo—”

“This has nothing to do with Bogum,” he declared sternly, abruptly cutting off my sentence.

I pulled back, scrutinizing his expression. He already wore that emotionless and icy demeanor — the aspect I've loathed ever since our first encounter. Every time he's in pain, he shields it with his cold aura and blank expression. I refuse to revisit the times when Tae was distant and cold towards me. I won't let him turn into a stone again.

“Tae, you can ta—”

“I know, Jungkook. I fucking know that,” he said coldly. I stared at him in shock, but he averted his gaze.

“What's—what's happening to you?”

My heart raced, as if it wanted to break free from its confines. I felt an unexplainable nervousness. Perhaps it's because Tae is becoming distant again, or maybe it's the realization that it will take months to revive the old Tae. I'm anxious at the thought that if he turns cold again, it will take months to bring him back.

I don't want that. I don't want to face the stone-hearted Tae again. “Tae—”

“Why do you always put the blame on Bogum?” he murmured. I furrowed my eyebrows, looking at him with confusion.

What is he trying to convey? “What do you mean, Taehyung?” I seriously asked. “Why can't you just tell me what's happening to you?” I added.

He chuckled humorlessly. “Just because I cried doesn't mean Bogum is the reason. Don't put too much blame on him.”

I clicked my tongue as I lightly slammed the table. “If you don't want me to blame him, then why don't you tell me the reason?”

He looked directly into my eyes. I saw the coldness, and it shattered my heart. “What for?”

“Tae—”

“It's just useless if I tell you about it—”

“Are you trying to say I can't help you?”

He gazed at me and smiled. “No, Jungkook. I'm trying to say that even if you try, you can't do anything.”

After uttering those words, he slowly stood up, looking at me with a sad smile. “Not every time I cry is because of my past. Don't just focus on the past, Kook. Perhaps you're blinded by it, and that's why you can't see your surroundings,” he said, pain and resentment evident in his voice. “Don't be numb, Jungkook. Sometimes, being numb leads people to be dumb.”

With that, he walked away, leaving me dumbfounded, confused, and filled with doubt.

What just happened?
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