Never Not [Taekook]

NN 13

Jungkook.

My heart quickens its pace, unable to match the rhythm of normalcy. There's Taehyung, seated on the chair, and suddenly, I'm anything but composed. Trembling, I find myself gripping the spatula tightly.

The events of last night linger, a weight on my mind that begs resolution. I'm eager to talk to him, to extend an apology that could mend what feels fractured between us. For the sake of our friendship, I'm determined to bridge the gap.

After a minute of wrestling with my thoughts while tending to the stove, I decide to turn it off. As I spin around, Taehyung is right there, his head lowered.

I exhale, letting go of the tension within. Setting down the plate, I playfully tap Tae's head. He looks up, and our eyes lock.

My heart dances in its cage. What on earth is happening to me?

"Shall we eat?" I propose, masking the inner turbulence.

He gazes at the food and nods. Seated across from each other, we share a meal in quietude. After an eternity of eating, I rise, taking the used plates to the sink. Tae, persistently beautiful, insists on washing the dishes.

As he tends to the table and begins washing, I perch on the table, captivated by his every move. I've missed him. These words wanted linger on my tongue, but was stifled by shyness, yet the longing is palpable.

Yearning to unravel the mystery of his whereabouts last night, especially after the reunion with Bogum, twists my insides. The mere thought of him with Bogum, someone from his past, evokes a pain that's hard to explain. They say feelings can change in an instant; perhaps, he no longer loves him but it can change overnight. I can't bear the idea of it happening without a discernible reason.

Shaking off these tumultuous thoughts, I approach Taehyung. My arms encircle his waist, and an involuntary shiver runs down his spine. Resting my chin on his shoulder, I fix my gaze on him.

He remains statue-still, frozen in time. A subtle chuckle escapes my lips as I playfully pinch his waist. His startled eyes meet mine, and a shared realization nearly propels us into an unexpected kiss-our lips mere inches apart. My heart races, pounding with an intensity that defies explanation.

Abruptly stepping back, Taehyung resumes his task. I clear my throat, taking my place beside him, leaning against the counter. The unsaid tension hangs in the air, echoing the unspoken words between us.

"Does it make you feel less comfortable?" I bravely asked. His gaze stayed averted, but a slow nod indicated his unease. "Why? I mean, we were doing the exact same thing before," I added.

A sigh escaped him without words, encouraging me to continue, "About yesterday, I want to apologize to you. Really, I'm sorry. I feel like such an idiot, always blaming someone whenever something happens to you."

His eyes finally met mine, a sad smile lingering on his lips. "Why does it sound so sarcastic to me?" he said, injecting a bit of humor. I shook my head in earnest, and he chuckled.

Once again, my heart refused to settle, a turbulent mix of emotions churning within. My stomach felt like a fluttering nest of butterflies, and I couldn't shake the sensation.

"I'm serious. I'm really sorry," I confessed, my gaze dropping to my Kookie slippers in a display of genuine remorse.

His laughter echoed. "I should be the one apologizing, not you. Silly," he said, still chuckling. Joining in, I looked up at him.

"So, is Bogum your architect? I thought it's Mr. Choi?" I inquired, eager to prolong our conversation. Honestly, I missed him. Yes, we had a tiff yesterday, but the day ended without teasing and playful banter. In essence, I missed him.

He flashed a smile, turning off the faucet. The simple act of grabbing a clean rag to wipe his hands unexpectedly sent shivers down my spine.

"Didn't I tell you he stopped bugging me after two days since that night?" he began. I simply nodded, observing him as he settled atop the flat surface of the sink. Swinging his legs, he rubbed his hands together. "I came to know that he was sent to rehabilitation because they witnessed him using cocaine in action. His father disowned him, and he stopped attending school, explaining his sudden disappearance and withdrawal from subjects. He needed to work to earn money for his living. Since he didn't finish schooling, he took on a small salary job, which clarifies why he was with Mr. Choi yesterday," he added.

I scrutinized him, searching for any subtle shifts in emotion. Strangely, there was none. It was as if he hadn't encountered Bogum yesterday, as if he didn't care at all. And, for some reason, that thought brought me immense happiness.

Honestly, I didn't want him with Bogum anymore. Yesterday, I couldn't hold back my disdain towards him. I detested him and loathed the way he looked at Tae. I couldn't shake this feeling that he still desired Tae.

"What did you feel?" I blurted out unconsciously. He turned to me, clearly shocked by my question.

Clearing his throat, he chuckled awkwardly. "Of course, I felt pity and less guilty, but there's nothing more."

I sighed in relief without knowing why. Maybe it was because I didn't want him with Bogum or because his response somehow made my heart flutter.

"But you know, I have this feeling inside me that wants to talk to him for our closure. To sort things out. For the best of us, for me to stop feeling guilty and pity over him, and for him to know my side."

That made me stop. His words shattered the happiness I felt just moments ago. I looked at him sharply, only to find him smiling - a different smile. It wasn't the usual one he always wore; instead, it held a mix of sadness and tenderness, if that was even possible.

The prospect hit me. What if he fell again? What if they started all over? What if they ended up together once more?

I sighed, standing there, unable to do anything but stare at the tiled floor, plagued by 'what ifs' and negative thoughts racing through my mind.

------