After months of distance, Lena finally makes a step towards Kara.
Lena is sitting on her balcony. The cool air of the night is chilling her skin. She's only wearing a sleeveless nightdress. She shivers. She knows she should get inside, in the safety of her bedroom, and getting a good night of sleep. But she can't do that. She doesn't have the strength to move. She knows she won't be able to sleep anyway.
She feels cold, and she can feel in her heart that it's not the coolness of the breeze hitting her skin that is causing that.
She feels lost, alone, and empty. As if a part of her was missing. The most important part. The one that gives her strength and courage. The one that makes her feel safe and warm.
Lena knows what is missing in her life, or more accurately, who is missing from her life. That's what hurts her the most. Because she so desperately wants for certain things to get back to what they were. But she knows it could never happen though. Damages have been made, and nothing could ever fix them.
Nothing could ever fix her broken heart, and those feelings of hurt and betrayal that make her feel she's drowning in her sorrows.
But the pain of living her life without the person she loves the most is slowly overtaking the pain of the betrayal. She's hurting mainly because she doesn't know how fixing her own mistakes. She feels trapped and alone. She knows she doesn't want to stay this way. Unfortunately, she can't think of a way to get out of the mess she tangled herself into.
Nothing could ever erase the guilt she feels for her own actions or her own thoughts either.
She looks down at her phone set beside her. She lights up the screen. Her heart aches and tightens her chest when she sees she has no texts or missed calls.
Lena swallows thickly, and takes her phone in her hand. She knows she shouldn't do what she's about to do. She knows she will feel even more miserable afterwards. But she also knows that it's the only way to warm her cold heart, even if it's just for a short time.
She scrolls through all the messages Kara has sent her since that day in the fortress of solitude. Messages that Lena has never answered.
A lump lunge itself in her throat as she begins reading.
I'm so sorry for the pain I caused you, Lena. That was never my intention. I have always wanted to protect you. But I do know now that my way of protecting you was wrong. I know I should have been honest. Please, let me explain myself. I don't want to lose you.
I won't give up on you, Lena. Even if you hate me, I will always do my best to protect you and keeping you safe.
I'm so worried for you, Lena, please, whatever you're doing, please, be careful.
I miss you so much that my heart aches constantly. I know it's my fault. Please, forgive me. I don't recognize myself without you by my side.
I'm so sorry I've been such a coward. I know you deserved better. I'm sorry for making you feel like a fool. I've never seen you like a fool. You are the smartest person I've ever met.
Lena, I miss you more than any words could express it. I miss your voice, I miss your smile, I miss having you in my arms. I miss your warmth. I miss the way being with you made me feel. I can't find a safe place when I'm not with you. I feel so cold without you.
Tears spill out from Lena's eyes. "I feel the same way, Kara." she whispers shakily.
Maybe I should call her, Maybe I should tell her, tell her that I... She starts thinking until she reads another text.
