Lena stands on the roof of L Corp watching over National City as guilt creeps up when she sees the destruction. Kara tries to talk her down, but will it work? Trigger warning to attempted suicide.
Sirens were blasting trough the streets of National City, copcars racing to get help for civillians, ambulances getting the injured to the hospital.
It was a symphony of noise, of life after destruction, and Lena stood on the roof of L Corp listening intently.
Broken buildings surrounded the building, the CatCo building on the verge of collapsing a little in the distance.
A hospital that had smoke coming out of multiple parts of the building.
Homes where you couldn't tell the roof from the walls, all combined as one, the safety of a home completely destroyed.
Debris scattered across the many streets of the city and Lena sighed heavily.
'I did this, all this happened because of me' she thought to herself, her head hanging down, glass of scotch in one hand.
'All these deaths..' she shook her head, noticing that with the thoughts she had stepped closer to the edge of the roof.
The edge of the roof was raised and it reached up to her waist and she leaned on it, looking over it and down on the pavement.
She sighed once more as she swirled the liquid in the glass over the edge and let it drop.
She watched it fall in fascination, watching it pick up the speed until it shattered in tiny pieces on the ground.
A slight gasp escaped her lips as it impacted, the sound adding to the symphony.
Hundreds of people died in the siege, hundreds of innocent lifes were destroyed by the Daxamites, because of her.
Because she was so desperate to get acknowledged by a mother, because she was so desperate to be loved.
Her hands moved to the ledge, pushing down on it, trying to fight the tears away.
'Everyone hates me' she thinks to herself 'and if they don't then they will, as soon as they find out who made that portal'
A lone tear escaped her eye as her thoughts move to Kara and the sacrifice she had to make because of her.
"Kara I'm so sorry" she said softly "I'm so sorry" she repeated as her body moved on its own and climbed on top of the ledge.
"Please don't hate me" she begged "I never wanted this, any of this" she said, tears streaming freely down her face now as she once again looked at the destruction.
The wind picked up and it swirled her loose black hair around, she lifted her arms up and enjoyed the wind as her foot moved up and dangled over the edge ready to fall.
"Lena!" a panicked voice sounded behind her and her foot moved back on the ledge as her arms fell back to her sides.
"Please don't do this" Lena didn't turn around, she recognised the voice as Kara's and the pain she heard in it only fueled her selfhatred more.
"Lena please turn around and look at me" desperation and fear laced her every word and briefly Lena wondered how she got on the roof as only she had access to it, then remembered her secret.
"Why not?" a cold voice that sounded nothing like Lena asked "everyone hates me and distrusts me. And if they don't, they will" she spoke her thoughts.
Kara swallowed thickly, keeping her tears at bay "I don't hate you or distrust you"
Lena simply scoffed at her "liar" she heard Kara gasp but she couldn't care.
"You lost everything, because of me, just like them" she waved her hand to the ruins of National City "you should hate me"
Lena heard Kara move closer to her, the gravel of the small stones giving her steps away and she let out a harsh and cold "don't. Or I definitely will jump"
Right on cue the movements stopped and she could hear a sob escaping the blonde girl.
"Lena-" she whispered but Lena stopped her saying "I forced your happiness away, I made it so that your boyfriend couldn't stay here. And for what!?" sobs were wrecking her body.
Kara looked on, tears streaming down her face, willing her body to stay in place, holding the edges of her cape so it wouldn't make a sound, in case Lena thought she was moving and would jump.
"All of this, is my fault. I thought I had a chance to have a mother. I thought I had a chance to feel what its like to be loved, but instead I-" her voice broke and the sentence got stuck in her throat.
"You are loved, Lena" Kara said, trying to convey the love she felt for her over in her words "you ARE loved" she said again "by me, Lena, you are loved, by me" she repeated once more.
