Dear Diary | Daryl Dixon

𝚎𝚗𝚝𝚛𝚢 𝚝𝚑𝚛𝚎𝚎/𝚙𝚝 𝚝𝚑𝚛𝚎𝚎 - 𝚒 𝚊𝚒𝚗'𝚝 𝚕𝚎𝚊𝚟𝚒𝚗𝚐 𝚢𝚊' 𝚋𝚎𝚑𝚒𝚗𝚍

𝙴𝙽𝚃𝚁𝚈 𝚃𝙷𝚁𝙴𝙴/𝙿𝚃 𝚃𝙷𝚁𝙴𝙴 - 𝙸 𝙰𝙸𝙽'𝚃 𝙻𝙴𝙰𝚅𝙸𝙽𝙶 𝚈𝙰' 𝙱𝙴𝙷𝙸𝙽𝙳

I found out that Sophia, Carol's daughter had run off into the woods after being chased by a muerto and Rick had run after her. I can't imagine what Carol or Sophia must be going through. Sophia is just a little girl, lost in the woods on her own, not knowing when a muerto could appear and Carol is her mother. I imagine she must be worried sick about her daughter. Rick ended up returning and took Glenn, Shane and Daryl to help him track Sophia down and eventually, Shane and Glenn returned and told people to keep scavenging cars.

Anita saw Carol talking to Dale by the RV as she waited for Rick and Daryl to return. She then noticed Shane approaching her. "Hey, Anita." He said.

"Hey, any updates from Rick?" Anita asked, trying to mask any pain in her voice. She hadn't forgotten about her failed suicide attempt. She still wanted to die but Daryl was always there.

But wait.....Daryl wasn't there. Now at that moment.

"Nah, nothing yet. Listen, Daryl told me to keep a watch over you. Any reason why he may have asked that?" Shane asked Anita, making her sigh. Of course Daryl asked that. Even when he wasn't around, Daryl seemed to find a way to keep an eye on her.

"No, nothing that I know of." Anita lied. "He's probably just being dramatic."

"That does sound like Daryl. Okay, just keep checking the cars, see if you can find anything useful." Shane said. Anita nodded and Shane left to help Andrea move a car. Glenn was now standing with Dale, helping him fix the RV. T-Dog was in the RV, tending to a wound he had gotten on his arm whilst the herd had passed. Lori and Carl were looking in cars. Everyone was distracted. Anita had the chance to finally be free.

When I realised Daryl wasn't around and everyone was distracted, I figured I finally had my chance to end my life, to be free and end my misery without Daryl interfering. Shane was working with Andrea so he was distracted. I finally had my chance.

Anita smiled to herself a little when she remembered the bag of knives she had found earlier. She opened the bag and pulled out a knife before crouching behind a car so nobody could see her. As Anita looked at the knife, she realised it would be better this way. She would be with her family. She wouldn't be bringing the group down. Anita had no idea how to defend herself against muertos. She was just another mouth to feed. Anita was useless. The group would be better off without her.

Anita took a deep breath as she placed the silver knife to her throat. Just one slit and everything would be over. She was finally getting what she wanted. Anita looked up at the sky and noticed the sun setting. In just a few seconds, she would be dead.

"Ya voy." (I'm coming) Anita whispered as she looked up at the sky.

"Oh God, they're back." Anita heard Glenn say in the distance, making her pull the knife away from her slightly.

"You didn't find her?" Carol asked Rick.

"Her trail went cold. We'll pick it up again first light." Rick said as Daryl looked around. The group was all there, everyone except for Anita. Daryl felt a sinking feeling in his gut. When everyone had told Carol what had happened, Daryl approached Shane.

"Where's Anita? I told ya' to keep an eye on her." Daryl said to Shane. Shane looked around and noticed he couldn't see Anita anywhere.

"Sorry, man. I was busy moving cars, keeping the group busy." Shane said. "Why did you tell me to keep watch on her anyways?"

"Forget about it." Daryl said before walking off, looking inside and behind the cars to find Anita. He hoped she hadn't done anything to herself. It was then when he spotted a small shadow behind one of the cars and slowly approached it, peeping his head over to see Anita.

She was sat on the ground, a knife pressed to her throat, her eyes squeezed shut. As if it were a reflex reaction, Daryl quickly pulled the knife away from her, making her open her eyes to see Daryl.

"What the hell do you think yer doin'?" Daryl asked as he pocketed the knife.

"Please, just leave me alone, Daryl. I'm begging you." Anita practically whispered. Daryl sighed and sat down on the ground next to her, laying his crossbow on the ground next to his legs.

"You've gotta stop doing this to yerself." Daryl said softly. He had to get through to her somehow. He had to make Anita realise that taking her own life wasn't the answer to anything.

"That's not your decision to make." Anita muttered, looking at the trees in front of her.

"Right now, I think it is." Daryl said. "Yer hurting yerself ain't gonna fix nothing. It's only gonna make things worse."

Anita scoffed. "Please. If anything, it'll make it better. I can't do anything here. I can't kill muertos. I can't fight. I'm useless, pathetic."

"Yer not." Daryl said. "You can learn. Ain't no-one born a fighter. Everyone learns."

Anita turned her head to look at Daryl who was still looking in front of him at the trees. "Even you?" Anita asked, making him turn to face her. Her eyes were still flooded with tears but the amber lighting of the sun setting on her skin made her glow.

"Yeah, even me." Daryl said softly.

"Why are you so hell bent on keeping me alive?" Anita asked with genuine curiosity.

Sitting there behind the car, away from the rest of the group with Daryl, it actually felt nice. Sure, I'm still upset with him but in that moment, we were in our own little world. For a brief second, it didn't feel like the world was dead, that it has changed. It felt...peaceful.

"'Cause you haven't given yerself a chance to prove yerself. I heard yer conversation with Andrea. I know why ya' keep tryin' to end it but it gets better. Ya' have to keep pushin'. My older brother, Merle, he got left behind in Atlanta to die. He managed to escape and he's out there somewhere. If he hadn't escaped, he could be dead right now. The point is, I ain't leavin' ya' behind." Daryl said.

Something about what Daryl said about not leaving me behind hit my heart differently. It makes me feel.....cared for. It makes me feel warm. I didn't know Daryl could be so soft.

"Ya' have to promise me you ain't gonna try nothing like that." Daryl said.

"I can't make that promise, Daryl. I can't." Anita practically whispered. She knew she would end up breaking that promise. She couldn't make an empty promise like that.

"Then I guess I'll have to hover around ya'." Daryl shrugged before standing up and grabbing his crossbow. "It's getting dark. You should get some rest. We need to look for Sophia tomorrow." Daryl then walked away, leaving Anita still sat in her spot.