Dear Diary | Daryl Dixon

𝚎𝚗𝚝𝚛𝚢 𝚏𝚘𝚞𝚛 - 𝚐𝚞𝚊𝚛𝚍𝚒𝚊𝚗 𝚊𝚗𝚐𝚎𝚕

𝙴𝙽𝚃𝚁𝚈 𝙵𝙾𝚄𝚁 - 𝙶𝚄𝙰𝚁𝙳𝙸𝙰𝙽 𝙰𝙽𝙶𝙴𝙻

Dear Diary,
I couldn't sleep last night after my conversation with Daryl. I understand now why he wants to protect me so bad. He failed to protect his brother so now he's trying to protect me. I don't exactly know how I feel about that but he hasn't changed my mind. I still believe there's nothing to live for. This morning, we all woke up, gearing up to find Carol's daughter, Sophia.

"Everybody takes a weapon." Rick said to the group as he laid out a bunch of knives and axes. Anita looked at the knives, her mind drifting off to the day before. She looked over at Daryl who was looking at her. Anita had never fought off a muerto before. She had no idea what to do in that kind of situation. All she knew was that destroying its brain killed them.

"These aren't the weapons we need. What about the guns?" Andrea asked as everyone in the group started selecting a knife of their choice. Anita still didn't know if she should take a knife or not.

"We've been over that. Daryl, Rick and I are carrying. We can't have people popping off rounds every time a tree rustles." Shane said. Anita watched as Glenn picked up a rather large axe which he seemed very happy about. He then turned to look at Anita.

"Aren't you gonna take something?" Glenn asked her. Anita looked at Daryl who was nodding. He didn't exactly like the idea of Anita holding a weapon, especially with the mindset that she was in but she needed something to protect herself. He would have left Anita behind with T-Dog and Dale but he couldn't trust her to stay alone without him around. Just last night, he found her holding a knife to her throat. Daryl couldn't take any chances.

When I saw Daryl nodding, I didn't know what to think. Did he want me to have it to protect myself even though I didn't know how? Even as I was reaching for a knife, I felt my hand shaking. I could see my blood all over the knife, like it was telling me this was the object that was meant to take away my life.

"It's not the trees I'm worried about." Andrea said.

"Say someone fires at the wrong moment, herd happens to be passing by. See, then it's game over for all of us. So, you need to get over it." Shane said to Andrea, making her roll her eyes.

A herd could pass by? Could this be another opportunity for Anita? She didn't even care if she became a muerto, as long as she was dead. Anita looked at the knife in her hand and sighed. Should she just slit her throat right now in front of everybody and just be done with it?

"I wanted to die my way, not torn apart by drooling freaks." Andrea said to Dale, grabbing Anita's attention, as well as the entire group's. "That was my choice. You took that away from me, Dale."

Anita knew how Andrea felt. It's how she felt with Daryl. She looked over at him and saw him look away as he sighed. "All I wanted after my sister died was to get out of this endless, horrific, nightmare we live every day. I wasn't hurting anyone else. You took my choice away, Dale, and you expect gratitude?"

Anita felt her heart grow heavy so she walked away so she wouldn't have to hear anymore.

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As we all walked through the woods to find Sophia, I felt eyes boring into my soul and I knew it was Daryl without even having to look. I knew he was concerned since I now had a knife on me and he didn't want me to do anything stupid. I didn't really want to kill myself in front of the group so I didn't try anything. We looked everywhere for Sophia, an old tent that had a guy who killed himself. Ironic, huh? We heard church bells and followed the sound to a church but Sophia wasn't there, either.

Half of the group were inside and half were outside. Anita walked into the church. She wasn't Christian but God was God. She walked over to the statue of Jesus Christ and sighed.

"Why did you take my family from me? Mom, Dad, Mathias. Why?" Anita asked as she teared up. "Why did you leave me all alone? On top of that, you won't let me die in peace. Why? What sin did I commit to be punished like this? Why won't you let me be with my family?"

Anita wiped her tears that were falling down her cheeks. She just wanted to leave this world. Was that so much to ask? "Are you trying to play with me? Toy with my emotions? Torture me?" Anita said to the statue. "I don't even care if I end up going to hell because at least I'll be dead. No matter what you try, I will find a way to end it. Nothing you do will stop me. No miracles, no guardian angels. Who am I kidding? I don't have a guardian angel. Everyone is pretty much dead. Who would it be?"

"Yo, Jasmine!" Anita heard. She turned around and saw Daryl.

As if right on cue, Daryl called out to me when I asked who my guardian angel was. That has to be a coincidence, right? Daryl's not really my guardian angel. It was just good timing, that's all.

"Time to go. Sophia ain't here." Daryl said. Anita nodded and turned back to the statue.

"That proves nothing." Anita said before walking out of the church. She walked outside where she found everyone standing under a tree. It was a rather hot day. She leaned against the tree trunk as Carl made his way over to her.

"We'll find Sophia." Carl said, making Anita smile a little.

"I'm sure we will." Anita said as Shane approached the group.

"You all got to follow the creek bed back. Daryl, you're in charge. Me and Rick, we're just gonna hang back. Search this area another hour or so, just to be thorough." Shane said.

"Splitting us up? You sure?" Daryl asked.

"Yeah, we'll catch up to you." Shane said. Carl decided to stay behind with Rick and Shane and Rick handed Lori a gun which Andrea was not happy about. Everyone eventually began following Daryl back.