Dear Diary | Daryl Dixon

𝚍𝚊𝚛𝚢𝚕'𝚜 𝚛𝚎𝚌𝚘𝚕𝚕𝚎𝚌𝚝𝚒𝚘𝚗 𝚝𝚑𝚛𝚎𝚎 - 𝚎𝚛𝚊𝚜𝚎𝚍

𝙳𝙰𝚁𝚈𝙻'𝚂 𝚁𝙴𝙲𝙾𝙻𝙻𝙴𝙲𝚃𝙸𝙾𝙽 𝚃𝙷𝚁𝙴𝙴 - 𝙴𝚁𝙰𝚂𝙴𝙳

Daryl sighed as he walked through the tombs of the prison with Carl and Oscar. How did Daryl end up in a prison, you ask? Well, after being on the road all winter, Rick and Daryl stumbled upon an abandoned prison and Rick was convinced that was the group's next safe haven. Rick was right. After much effort, the group managed to secure and clear a cell block for them to live in. Everything was going well, except for when they ran into a group of prisoners and when Hershel was bitten but his leg was amputated and he survived. Three out of the five prisoners were dead and two of the prisoners named Axel and Oscar were welcomed into the group.

Also, Lori died giving birth to a little baby girl, as well as T-Dog who died protecting Carol, although it seemed she was dead, too. Rick had gone crazy after losing his wife and Carl was not in the best mood. He had to put down his own mother, after all. With everything that was going on, Daryl was at a very low point. They had lost three group members and Anita was still missing. As soon as everyone had settled into the prison, Daryl went out every day, looking for Anita but she was nowhere to be found. Daryl had come to accept the fact that Anita was most likely dead. It had been months since he last saw her on the farm. Maybe she never got away from the herd. Maybe she died all that time ago and like Sophia, he was chasing another ghost.

After accepting that Anita was dead, Daryl didn't speak to anyone for the past couple of days. He couldn't believe she was gone. After everything they had been through, she was gone. Daryl was able to pull Anita out of that dark place she was trapped in, and he made her want to live, to fight, only for her to die a gruesome death by the herd. Daryl felt like it was all his fault. Anita most likely suffered being ripped apart by all those walkers. Daryl cared about Anita a lot. He had feelings for her and he couldn't deny that but again, Anita was gone. Although she was most likely dead, Daryl would never stop caring about her and he would always remember all that time they spent together, all the moments they shared and all those feelings he felt.

Daryl looked at Carl who was as miserable as he was. Carl wasn't talking to anyone since his mom died so Daryl figured he needed to make him feel better. Carl was a kid. He needed comfort.

"You know, my mom, she liked to whine. She liked to smoke in bed. Virginia Slims. I was playing out with the kids in the neighbourhood. I could do that with Merle gone." Daryl said as he and Carl searched the tombs. "They had bikes, I didn't. We heard sirens gettin' louder. They jumped on their bikes, ran after it, you know. Hoping to see somethin' worth seeing. I ran after 'em but I couldn't keep up. I ran around the corner, saw my friends looking at me. Hell, I saw everybody looking at me. Fire truck everywhere, people in the neighbourhood. It was my house they were there for. That was my mom in bed. Burnt down to nothin'. That was the hard part. She's just gone, erased, nothin' left of her."

Daryl sighed to himself. Like his mom was gone, erased, like she never existed, he felt like that with Anita being gone. She was just gone. There was never a body to bury. Like his mom, there was nothing left of Anita. "People say it was better that way. I don't know. Just made it seem like it wasn't real, ya' know?"

"I shot my mom. She was out. Hadn't turned yet. I ended it. It was real." Carl said to Daryl. "I'm sorry about your mom."

"I'm sorry about yours." Daryl said.

"I'm sorry about Anita, too." Carl said, making Daryl sigh. "That's why you don't talk to anyone anymore, isn't it?"

Daryl said nothing and looked at the ground.

"You know, when I was shot, she came to see me and I told her that I hoped she'd never leave our group." Carl said. "She said if anything were to happen to her, that I should remember that I was her favourite out of everyone."

"I know she cared about ya' a lot." Daryl said as he continued searching.

"Did you care about her?" Carl asked, making Daryl sigh and turn to face Carl.

"Of course. Maybe a little too much." Daryl admitted.

"I wish we didn't lose her." Carl said.

"Me, too, kid. Me, too." Daryl said.

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Daryl ended up finding Carol hiding in the tombs and brought her back to the cell block where she could rest. He was glad Carol was still alive but he couldn't help but hold out the tiniest bit of hope that he would somehow, find Anita hidden in the tombs, too. Daryl knew that was literally impossible but...he couldn't stop what his heart wanted.

Daryl heard Rick talking to someone just outside of the cell block and he was going to go and check it out but he figured leaving Carol alone wasn't a good idea, even if he was just a few feet away so instead, he called out to Rick who came inside and hugged Carol tight, glad to see her alive.

"So, what's goin' on out there?" Daryl asked Rick once he had caught up with Carol.

"You're gonna wanna come outside and meet our surprise visitors." Rick said, confusing Daryl.

"Look, I can't, okay? I don't wanna meet any new people when we've lost so many of our own." Daryl sighed.

"So, you don't even wanna meet your Princess Jasmine?" Rick asked, making Daryl's head snap up and his heart do a complete three sixty.