Dear Diary | Daryl Dixon

𝚎𝚗𝚝𝚛𝚢 𝚜𝚎𝚟𝚎𝚗𝚝𝚎𝚎𝚗 - 𝚏𝚒𝚛𝚜𝚝 𝚏𝚒𝚐𝚑𝚝 𝚊𝚗𝚍 𝚕𝚊𝚜𝚝 𝚏𝚒𝚐𝚑𝚝

𝙴𝙽𝚃𝚁𝚈 𝚂𝙴𝚅𝙴𝙽𝚃𝙴𝙴𝙽 - 𝙵𝙸𝚁𝚂𝚃 𝙵𝙸𝙶𝙷𝚃 𝙰𝙽𝙳 𝙻𝙰𝚂𝚃 𝙵𝙸𝙶𝙷𝚃

Dear Diary,
I still can't believe Merle is dead. He may have been a little difficult but I know he was a good man. Today, I finally told Daryl that I'm pregnant and the reaction that I got, I was not expecting. The day started with all of us clearing out our things from the prison to make it seem like we had left, even though we hadn't. The Governor failed to find us and left and when Rick, Daryl and Michonne went to Woodbury to kill him, they returned with all of Woodbury's residents. Andrea is dead and the Governor killed all of his men before fleeing. When everyone had settled into the prison, I was able to pull Daryl away to talk.

"Daryl, can I talk to you about something?" Anita asked Daryl once they were alone.

"Ya' finally gonna tell me what's going on you?" Daryl asked.

"Yeah, you deserve to know." Anita said before taking a deep breath. "I'm pregnant."

Anita watched as Daryl's face turned white, as if he had seen a ghost and she had no idea what to expect from that moment. ".....what?" Daryl asked, his tone shaking and quiet.

"Um....it is yours, obviously. I didn't think this could happen from only doing it once but...it did. I'm pregnant with our child." Anita said and Daryl just stood there.

I had to watch Daryl as agonising silence surrounded us. I needed to know how he felt about the news, whether he was happy or not. And when I heard the next few words he said, everything changed.

"Get rid of it." Daryl said and Anita felt her heart break into a million pieces. There was no way Daryl just told her to kill their own baby, right?

"What?" Anita practically whispered as tears began flooding her eyes.

"We can't have a baby." Daryl said as he ran his hand through his hair.

"Why not?" Anita asked as she held in her tears.

"What do ya' mean, 'why not'?" Daryl asked. "We're been together for a week, maybe two. We ain't ready for a baby. We can't raise a child in a world like this."

"But we can try, can't we? You always told me to try." Anita said but Daryl was having none of it.

"No, we ain't having this child." Daryl said. "It's too dangerous. What happened to Lori could happen to you and-"

"We don't know that, Daryl." Anita said.

"We don't have the resources to take care of another baby." Daryl said.

"Glenn and Maggie offered to look for stuff." Anita said, making Daryl's eyes widen.

"Glenn and Maggie know? You told them before you told me?" Daryl asked, growing more and more upset.

"I was scared, Daryl. And this reaction I'm getting from you, this is exactly the reason why I was scared. I didn't know how you'd react. I, myself, didn't know how to react." Anita said.

"Who else knows?" Daryl asked but Anita stayed silent. "Anita, who else knows?"

"Hershel knows and Merle...he knew, too." Anita admitted and Daryl could have sworn he would have almost had a heart attack.

"Merle knew?" He asked, his voice getting quieter. It had only been a day since he found his brother as a muerto. He was still grieving.

"He was the first person I told. I asked him if he knew how you would feel about it but he said he didn't know." Anita said. "But he was happy, Daryl. He was happy for us. Before I found out, he said if we ever had kids, he wanted them to know about their Uncle Merle. He wanted this for you, Daryl."

"Don't. Don't do that." Daryl said.

"Do what? Convince you to allow our child to live?" Anita asked as a tear ran down her face. "Or tell you that everyone, including your own brother, was happy for us, except you?"

I hated arguing with Daryl. That was our first fight as a couple and what I didn't know, it would also be our last fight as a couple.

"We ain't having this baby, Anita. We just can't." Daryl said.

"I am not getting rid of our baby, Daryl. Even the thought of doing that makes me want to die. I can't do that to our baby, Daryl." Anita said.

"Stop doing that." Daryl said.

"Stop doing what?" Anita asked.

"Stop calling it our baby." Daryl said.

"But it is. It's yours and it's mine. I know we didn't plan this at all but it happened." Anita said. "We're going to be parents. You're going to be a father."

"No...I can't." Daryl said as he paced the room.

"Daryl, I know it's scary. I'm scared but we can do this." Anita said. "I know we can."

"No, we can't." Daryl said. "I ain't gonna be a father. I ain't gonna be my father! I'm ain't!"

That was when everything started to make sense. Daryl's father wasn't a good man. Of course he was going to be scared.

"Daryl, you are not your father. You're not." Anita said but again, Daryl was having none of it.

"You ain't having this baby. Get rid of it." Daryl said sternly but Anita was not going to back down.

"No. I'm keeping it." Anita said. "There's nothing you can say that'll convince me to get rid of it."

Daryl looked at Anita for a good minute, not saying a word and that was scary. "Fine. Keep it. But I want nothing to do with it. And we're done. Stay the hell away from me." Daryl said before walking away, leaving Anita heartbroken.

Daryl broke up with me. He left me because he doesn't want a baby. I really thought we would do this together, that I would be able to convince him to raise this baby with me but..I failed. I spent a good hour sobbing in my cell before I was able to pull myself together to write this. I love Daryl. I will always love him but now, I'm alone and pregnant. But I'm not going to run away. I'm not going to try and hurt myself because Daryl's gone. I still have something to live for. I have my baby who needs me now more than ever and I promise, I will never give up on it.