Carolina [h.s]

chapter twelve

but I crumble completely when you cry,
seems like once again you've greeted me with good bye i'm always just about to go and spoil the surprise take my hands off of your eyes too soon
***

I'm frozen as his lips press onto mine, he's slow as he pulls back, forehead resting against mine. And then he's leaning again, pressing soft pecks onto my unmoving lips. I try to control my heartbeat and shaking hands, his breath on me is comforting and I curse at myself for it.

"Vada, Vada, Vada," he whispers into my lips between pecs and it's like he's begging me to kiss him back.

I slide my hand up his chest, pulling him closer by the back of his neck, pressing my lips into his giving him what we both want. We move slowly as his lips feel soft over mine, his left hand on my jaw holding me in place, as his other hand reaches my hip pressing our bodies into each other.

His hand goes from the side of my face to the back of my head, before I know it he yanks my head back by my hair, pulling me away from his lips.

His eyes are on fire his grip in my hair tightening and I try not to wince. "You won't ever go back there. Promise me." he demands.

I look into his eyes out of breath, my brain tries to process the tingling on my lips from his soft kiss but the ache in my head from his grip. It's all a very confusing combination, especially mixed with his harsh words. He was so hot and cold, I couldn't keep up.

I exhale through my nose glancing down at his red lips, then back into blacked out green. "Okay," I agree simply, because it's something he could never do.

He seems relieved at my answer as he leans down, placing soft open mouthed kisses on the skin of my neck. Goosebumps spread throughout my body as he sucks on the delicate skin, leaving behind bruised skin that matches his.

He moves his lips up on my jaw moving back to my mouth, pecking once, twice, before taking the tight hold in my hair, moving it to the side of my face, gently now as he picks up a rhythm between our lips.

I feel his heated skin against mine as he picks up the pace, stealing all air from my lungs as his soft, slow pace turns into a more determined one. I trail my hand through soft curls, pulling when his tongue slips into my mouth, and his soft groan rumbles through the both of us. His movements are getting more rough by the second, as he moves his lips on mine at a faster pace than before.

Both hands travel up my sides, and then I suddenly get snapped out of what other trace I was in before. My lips freeze against his, but he keeps touching my sides, down my back and underneath my shirt.

I grow tense at his fingertips on my skin, anxiety rises through me. His lips moved to my neck placing gentle kisses again, and the pit feeling in my stomach came and I suddenly felt sick.

Trying to push down flashbacks and anxiety is difficult, especially because I didn't know how far he was willing to go. If he would even listen to me if I didn't want to go far at all.

"Stop" the word comes out of my mouth quickly.

Harry's lips immediately stop on my neck, and he's backing his body off of mine completely. I'm relieved, but the anxiety I haven't felt in a long time doesn't go away. It feels like everything from tonight is finally catching up to me, I was feeling everything I try so hard to be numb to.

His eyes are confused, concerned he looks me over. Tears have swelled up in my eyes and I try to push them back as I realize I'm shaking now and I don't know if I'll be able to stop the-

"Vada," his voice is low and almost gentle. "What's wrong—" he goes to reach out for me again.

I shake my head moving past him. I had to leave, I couldn't let him see. "I can't—" I start to say moving quickly to the door as I feel the sick feeling inside of me start to take over.