Carolina [h.s]

thirty seven

***
and I never wanted anything from you except everything you had and what was left after that too, happiness hit her like a bullet in the back
struck from a great height by someone who should know better than that

(^ Song kinda goes with the end of the chapter)
***

Vada

//

Our miles are high and so are our minds.

I'm grassed out and my best friend gets replaced by a bottle of whiskey mixed with coke slushies.  Meanwhile, trouble's got loyalty to his white crushed up sin and every laugh he breaks and smile he makes is like the both of us.

Completely and utterly, fucked up.

"Can I have some?" I ask, all heavy eyes and out of my mind.

Harry smirks, full of mischief and bliss. "No, this shit is bad for you."

All night I drove and Harry wasn't kidding when he said he would let me take him anywhere. So anywhere to me is four hours away to Myrtle beach because it's the first thing that came to my mind.

The lights shine by the pier and a never ending carnival is a ghost town at five in the morning. The world spins by me in fast motions, my stomach turns but my laugh is loud as Harry and I spin ourselves on the only self-operating ride.

We sit in the large teacups and gravitate around and around. Colors of the world swoosh by and we're careless as we scream and laugh even though we're not even supposed to be here at all.

Dizzy and on the verge of puking, trouble pulls me close and kisses me like our lives depend on it, and I forget all about my upset stomach when he's this close to me.

With the night coming to an end, we sit on the hood of Harry's car, watching as the sun starts to rise in the horizon and for the first time all night everything is still.

Between the whiskey streaming through my empty stomach and the pot mixing up my foggy brain, I barely remember the spontaneous trip. But our conversations come back to me in broken moments.

"You're faint of any bruises," I tell him when he's close to me and I get a good look at his face.

"I've got other priorities lately," I watch him smile and it cures the ache in my heart when it comes to his addictions.

When we kiss and touch everything else that mattered before today never matters in the moments that we're together. I hold onto every breath and every pull while time is our worst enemy.

"What are you gonna do when I'm in New York?" I ask him.

"What, you think my life begins and ends with you?" His smirk is nothing but condescending. But there's the same thing that flashes in his eyes that was there in the library.

He begins again when he realizes. "It's whatever, V." he then shrugs.

With my eyes intent on his, I'm gathering all that he hides. "The album is gonna work out for you guys, you know that right?" I told him. "You're all genius talented, every single one of you. There's no way you're not gonna achieve everything you've been working for—"

"Yeah, well maybe that's the fucking problem," he looks over at me, frown deep and eyebrows furrowed. "Once we do have everything and there's nothing we haven't accomplished—" He pauses. "Then what?"

"You're scared." I confirm for him because it's obvious.

Green eyes are calculating over mine, and the boy who never admits his weaknesses drops his pride. "I'm fucking terrified," he admits.