Carolina [h.s]

forty one

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as long as i got you i'm gonna be alright i'm not afraid to die even if my heart stops beating you're the only thing i need, even if the earth starts shaking you're the only thing worth taking with me

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(MATURE CONTENT)

Harry
//

I feel nothing all the way from the top of my head to the bottom of my shoes. All I got on me is my car keys, a fresh pack of cigarettes, a lighter, and a few hundred bucks.

The blaze of the sun pricks at my skin and feels like it melts me from the inside out as soon as I step outside. The parking lot is mostly empty, so I find my car easily as I bring the sunglasses from the top of my head and over my eyes.

I pat my pockets for my smokes and with the click of a lighter the door opens and closes from behind me again.

"You look like shit," The voice is familiar from next to me and as I look over I watch as Jay approaches.

"Really?" I mutter, blowing smoke from my nose. "Because I've never felt better," I started with a smile I didn't feel.

"That's just the drugs talking," Jay kind of smirks, but he's had a permanent frown from the day I've met him so it doesn't last very long.

"Either way, I got somewhere to be." I shrugged, stepping off the curb and leaving my trainer behind.

"Just tell me something," Jay followed after me as we walked to my car. "Was it worth it?" he wonders.

"Well, is the fucker dead?" I questioned him back with a look over my shoulder as I opened my driver's side and he said nothing. "Until then, only one goddamn thing makes it all worth it." I climb into my car, and drive off.

***

When I pull up to the packed venue, the valet takes my car and all I have to say is my name to get into the exclusive building with the long lines and VIP access.

Backstage is chaos as I move through hallways entering like a cloud in a drift. The crowd rumbles from behind the curtain and distant music plays from a booming stereo somewhere else.

"Look who's back from the fucking dead," I hear Zayn's voice before I see him.

My boy approaches with a steadier frame than mine, walking across creaky wood floors and he's the familiar drummer I remember with the sticks in his back pocket and a curve to his lips.

"Well I couldn't let you assholes fuck up our biggest gig of the year," I shrugged, taking the microphone from one of the stage attendants and feeling the familiar pressure from the metal as it settles into my palm.

"Every gig is the biggest one of the year," Zayn's eyes are dilated as they give me a once over, and I know exactly what he's thinking.

It's been approximately a week since everything, and it has all been kind of a blur. Looking back, of course I was fucked up when I made those decisions. Jay's voice has been ringing in my head the whole drive. But I don't regret a single fucking thing.

"How is she? No bullshit, just tell me." I immediately asked, because I was ready for her anger, and everything that came with it.

Her sweet smile and remembering the tone of her voice as it floats through my memory were the only thing that got me through the darkness. I went delusional and imagined she was there with me the whole time and in a way maybe she was.