When You're Broken On The Ground

Chapter 63

Trigger Warnings: thoughts (past and present) of suicide, sexual undertones, referenced parental neglect, mentioned petty crimes, mentioned jail time

Word Count: 1144

"Aww c'mon Double Dee, wear the skirt at least? For me? Pleaseeeeeeee?" Remus pleads, watching his fiancé scroll through wedding dresses and suits and everything in between. Did Dee have something? Yeah. Did that stop him from trying to see all possible styles he could add to it? Nope with a popped 'p' as if it wasn't in his head.

"Remus darling, do you want me in a skirt at our wedding, or do you want me in a skirt now?" Jan hums, pulling out a snake patterned golden yellow button up shirt and admiring it.

Remus groans dramatically. "You're killing me J! I've seen you in one of those too-short school girl skirts and now all I see is your delicious hips in tight black." His snakey laughs, holding onto the shirt as they continue down another aisle. "C'mon python, at least one even if you don't wear it for the wedding?"

"Hmm," his fiancé says, tapping his bottom lip in thought as he stares at a sunflower print summer dress, the type where it's short in the front and goes long in the back. "How about this love? I'll get a casual dress today, but you don't get to know what I'm wearing for the wedding until you see me as you walk up?"

"Deal!" Remus giggles, practically vibrating at the thought of Dee in the sunflower dress. It's so pretty and his snakey's so pretty, it's perfect! And paired with that black leather jacket that's absolutely lethal, JanJan will be killing whenever he goes out! "I think that dress with your leather jacket would be perfect!!"

"It would, wouldn't it?" Janus muses, grabbing it in his size. "Alright darling, five more minutes then we need to leave to meet Virgil at Hot Topic to go look at those new line of boots. Anything you see?"

Remus glances around the store. It's not his normal store, he normally shops at Goodwill, military stores, any thrift store, and Hot Topic, but Janus insisted they go somewhere nice to try and find something for their wedding. Which means Remus is definitely not going to mention that he found and patched up his wedding garb from Goodwill, a dumpster in the back of suit shop, and stuff he found on the internet. Though knowing J, he'd probably wash it one more time and then say it looks great. He really loves his fiancé, Janus gets that he'd rather wear military cargo pants with a raggy tee than paper thin fabric that'll fade or fuzz after two washings.

"Remus love, did you remember your medication?" Janus' voice cuts through his thoughts. He blinks, looking at his snakey who has his arms full of suit jackets and shirts and that one dress.

"I uh, thought we'd be back in time to take 'em," he admits guiltily. "But! Didn't we put some in the car for when this happens? Because I always forgot to take it when we were out for long periods of time, hey I wonder what would happen if someone replaced the bottle of pills with blood, wouldn't that be funny?"

"Oh no doubt, though it wouldn't be good for you darling, drinking unknown blood that could carry diseases? Not to mention, enough blood in your stomach would upset it," Janus comments calmly, rummaging around in his pocket. "Now, can you go to car, find your pills, and take one? I'll be just a minute, need to pay for these and I don't want to force Patton or Logan to bail us out again. You know how they are." He holds out the car keys to Remus with a smile. Remus nods and takes them.

Patton and/or Logan were always their go-to for bail out. Virgil would do in a pinch, if he wasn't arrested with them, but he got too scared sometimes and they hated to put him in that position. He and Roman hadn't gotten along during their major crime days, so they almost never called Roman. Thomas or his mom would answer and bail them out if they asked, but Patton and Logan had more freedom (if freedom meant their parents didn't monitor them enough to even notice if they were gone for hours on end) so they usually were the go-to.

Remus blinks, staring at his car for longer than he'd rather admit before opening it and grabbing his pill bottle. He can dry swal, definitely not as a potential suicide attempt—though he probably would have easily been able to before J or his brother or anyone of their family figured out—, but Jan always keeps a couple water bottles in the car just in case, and Remus' throat is as dry as the deforestation happening in Africa. A quick sip, then he swallows the pill with ease, before drinking more of the lukewarm water. It's not great, he prefers fire hot or ice cold water, no in between, but it's tolerable when his mouth's still so goddamn dry.

He sits in the car, slowly sipping from the second water bottle, just watching the parking lot and store doors, ignoring the voices telling him to swallow the entire bottle, to choke himself on the crumbled up water bottle, to crash the car into oncoming traffic, as the medicine takes effect. It's been years, over twenty-five by now probably, since he first had the voices. Over the years he's gotten really good at ignoring the really bad ones, which left him with having to following the smaller ones other else he'd explode. Exploding himself on a landmine would be excit- no, no, Janus. Their wedding. His family. Roman.

Janus walks out of the store, bags in hand, hips swaying with that grace and deadliness that makes Remus' heart swoon every time. He climbs into the car, dropping the bags in the back, before turning to Remus with those pursed lips, one side tilting up hopefully. "Darling?"

"I took one pill Double Dee, promise," Remus says, leaning in and smiling. He relaxes when his cobra's lips lift up and he breaks into a real smile. He's okay, they're okay. "Now, Hot Topic with the emo?"

"Well we have to find shoes somewhere my dear," Janus quips, grin shining in the sunlight as he starts the car, glancing out of the corner of his eye at Remus. If it were possible, Remus swears he falls even more love with his fiancé in that moment. But Remus knows he's been falling deeper and deeper every day since he realized he had a crush on the tiny little thing with almost gold eyes, so far that there's nowhere else for him to fall deeper, because he already loves Janus too much to express fully.