When You're Broken On The Ground

Chapter 8

Hey, y'all ready for some more angst? 

Trigger Warnings: mentioned suicides, mentioned cutting, mentioned attempted murder, blood, graphic descriptions of all that.

Notes: italics for memories, underline for person's name.

Thomas

A rhythmic beeping was the first thing he remembers. Then he opened his eyes. Bright lights shone in his eyes, causing him to try and raise an arm to block it, but both his arms were... heavy?

"Thomas?" a weak, broken voice had whispered.

He had tried to speak, but before he could his vision was filled by Remy's worried, tear-stained face. "Hey Rem," he had rasped, "what happened?"

Remy's face had fallen. "Hang on, you need to be sitting up to take this." He had walked out of Thomas's field of vision then the bed he was on raised him up into a semi-sitting position. Remy had held out a water glass, then said, "Don't panic."

Thomas had swallowed the water, worried. "Remy, what happened?"

"You were beaten to the brink of death because you're gay," the Starbucks lover had answered, still in a broken voice that didn't sound like Remy. "During surgery, you- you-" he took a deep breath, "you were dead for two minutes. Your mom let us see you with her, but when visitation hours were over they forced us home." Another shaky breath. "Roman took Virgil home, Emmy and I took Remus and Dee to where they had left Dee's car, and Logan took Patton home. Later, we found out Virgil had attempted suicide, followed by Patton, Em-Emmy, Remus, and... Logan," Remy whispered the last sentence, looking like he was about to cry. 

"Where are they?" Thomas asks lowly, struggling to comprehend everything Remy told him. Remy steps to the side, allowing Thomas to see Virgil's pale form, Patton's still body, Emile's colorless lump of sheets, Remus' unusual (for him) thin outline, and Logan's dead-like sleeping state. "No..."

"I found Emile in his room, before he managed to stab himself in the heart," Remy explains. "He was so sad, kept blaming himself over and over for Virgil and Patton's suicides. He-" the man almost chokes on his words. "He kept repeating that he deserved it, that he deserved to die. Thomas, he actually believed that he should do it..." Remy looks around hopelessly, Thomas realizing that Remy isn't wearing his sunglasses. He always wears his sunglasses...

"Remy?" He meets Thomas' eyes. "What did the others do?" He really doesn't want to know, but at the same time he needs to know...

Swallowing thickly, Remy continues. "Well, Virgil was first. He hung himself in his bedroom, Pat had called Ro to check up on him because Roman's closer, and... Roman found Virgil. Doctors say he found him just in time, if Virge was left hanging there for two minutes more he would have died for sure. Roman called Remus before going in the ambulance with Virgil. Remus immediately told Dee who called Pat who told Logan who called me and I called Emile." He glances over at Emile before continuing. "Most of us met up here to see Virgil, your mom insisted he be held here with you until she could contact his parents. Then Patton swallowed a bunch of meds, Logan had come back for him and found him passed out on the couch with the empty bottle..." 

Thomas is crying by now, hating himself for causing so much pain.

"They moved him in here as well, your mom signing off the papers for his parents. Sh-she insisted we all go home and not panic. Roman and Logan refused to move, I had to drag Emile away before the doctors threw him out... When I brought Emile home, he ran to his room and wouldn't let me in." Remy is by Emile's side, holding his hand, not even looking at Thomas anymore. "I make his favorite tea. Wh-when I opened the door, he was holding a knife to his heart."

"Remy-"

"No. I need to finish this." He takes a shaky breath and continues. "I dropped the tea and lunged at him. He managed to nick himself with the knife but it wasn't anything a bandage couldn't fix. I called Logan who spread the news and made sure I could bring Emile. The reason he's here is that he can't be left alone, he's still suicidal. He couldn't sleep so they injected him with sleep meds, just enough to knock him out for a couple hours. They'll wear off soon. Apparently, maybe ten minutes after Roman told Remus about Virgil, Remus slit his wrists and ankles in Dee's bathroom. You can probably guess what happened after that."

"Dee found Remus and called Logan right before you called him about Emile," Thomas whispers, the broken look on Remy making sense now.

"Your mom, god your mom. Thomas, she signed all of our paperwork, had them keep all of us in one room, she's still trying to contact our parents." A new tear treks down Remy's cheek. "She's stayed so strong for so long, but Logan..." they both gaze over the beds at Logan. "Logan broke something in her. Something in all of us. Pat had woken up sobbing and after your mom calmed him down had insisted he see Logan immediately. Lo-Logan had left for the bathroom maybe two minutes ago, Patton pleaded with her to let him go after him." Remy furiously wipes his tears away before finishing up. "She let him go, but warned him to back in less than two minutes. He- he went into the bathroom and found blood. The blood, Thomas there was so much blood... Logan had carved robot into his arms and then- and the-n-" Remy chokes, looking sick, "he had started to cut out his heart."

Something broke in Thomas at those words. Something that he knew would never repair, no matter how well they healed and no matter how long ago this event became, this would stay with him, haunt him, for the rest of his life and his family's lives.

So, there's just a bit I need to address. 

1) the shifting tenses are on purpose! The memories start off as just that, memories. But, as they dive deeper into them, the guys start to relive them, become convinced this happened all over again. That's why it switches to present tense, to show that they are now reliving the memory not just remembering it.

2) how is this going?? Is this making sense?? Please, if you have any questions please tell me!

3) I have exams in a week. So, I won't to posting another chapter next Saturday. The Saturday after that is doubtful, due to the possibility that I might just end up sitting on the couch crying with ice cream and watching Disney movies all weekend. I tend to crash after high amounts of stress...

4) the first story arc should be finished soon, so if you have any input on what you the reader wants to see, tell me!! I have some ideas, but there's anything you want to see I'm all ears!

Anyway, thanks for reading and have a wonderful day/night kiddos!