The Giant and His Heart. [Light at the end of the tunnel]

Chapter 50 - "A New Friend?"

I don't want to lie, I felt conflicted guys. Was she being genuine or not? I wanted to trust that she was but I remembered that time when she betrayed me when we went to the mall, and she and Andy ganged up on me. Yes, we were friends and we've been friends for years but I always felt like Fiona liked Andy more than me, and she followed every whim of Andy's. She was easily manipulated. How is it to say that now she wasn't sent by Andy to trick me again? But even so, Fiona has actually been a good friend in the past to me, her personality was way better than Andy's. I groaned not knowing what to do. I decided to take a shower whilst thinking over the whole text message from her. After the shower, I was still feeling conflicted but I had decided that I wouldn't call her back. I just couldn't trust her anymore. After tossing and turning in bed, I finally fell asleep. I missed my giant.

It was the next day. I was getting ready to go visit Phozisa. She had invited me to have lunch with her. I had called George and he told me that he was already downstairs, so if I was ready to go, I should just come down. Was I the only one who found the whole George situation weird and suspicious? He was always available when I needed him. I mean, he's a cab driver, so shouldn't he be busy driving people up and down, but that wasn't the case because whenever I called him he was available and always nearby. Sometimes he was there even before I called him, like today. I finished getting ready and I went downstairs. I greeted George when I entered the car. He just gave me a chin lift through the rearview mirror and drove off. When I arrived at Xolile's place, Philasande was there too. Phila was T-man's girlfriend. I've never really interacted with her since I avoided everything that had to with the girlfriends of the giant's friends since they didn't like me and I was afraid of confrontation, and also because she always kept to herself. Every time I've seen her, she's always stuck by Temba's side and never interacted with anyone. I didn't know if she was scared of the other women as me or she was one of those who looked down on others. I couldn't read her. But since Temba was super nice and cool, I hoped she wasn't as bad as the others.
Phozisa: "Hey, I hope you don't mind that I invited her." She had pulled me aside to the kitchen... "she's also on the same boat as us. She's worried and misses her man."
Me: "No, its fine. Hopefully she's not one of those who hate me." I said cringing. Phozisa chuckled.
Phozisa: "No, she doesn't involve herself in the drama and politics with the other women. Even though she's quiet and keeps to herself, she's nice, you'll see." I sighed and nodded. I really hoped that was the case. When I was in High School, I used to ask and wonder, what was about me that was so unlikable and detestable that no one wanted to be my friend? I mean if they weren't teasing and bullying me, they ignored me completely. I couldn't really blame them, because my mother didn't seem to like me that much too...that still applies even today. You guys know everything. When I had made friends with Fiona and Andy I was so happy because it gave me little hope that I wasn't as unlikable and broken as I thought I was. So to keep them as my friends, I did a lot of things that would be pleasing to them since I didn't want to lose them as friends. Even if they said or did stuff to me that I wasn't agreeable with or disliked, I kept quiet and smiled because I didn't want to have conflict with them. I didn't want them to stop being my friends. Yes, pathetic I know, but try being me for once. It's not easy. As you know, I have attachment issues. If I form a relationship with a person I cling to it and do everything in my power for the relationship not to break because I was scared of being alone. I had been alone almost my whole childhood and it hadn't been nice people. When I met the giant, he gave me a voice, even though it wasn't that much of a voice but it was something. That's why I found myself disagreeing and arguing with my friends when they did or said stuff to me that I didn't like, and that was one of the reasons I was having a fallout with them since they didn't know the Busi I was becoming. Even though I was still practically the same person, I could feel the change in myself. There was something about the giant's love that just gave me confidence. I really wished badly that I was like him, just minus the rudeness. He didn't give a fuck about what people said about him, and if you didn't add value to his life he cut you off. He never sugarcoated anything, he told you what was what, and if you didn't like it, that was your problem. Oh my giant! I really missed him. I really hoped he was coming back tomorrow unscathed. Please God, bring back my man safely home. Anyway I kind of understood why the women, who were the girlfriends of the giant's friends, hated me. It's because I situated a place that they believed belonged to their friend, and also it didn't help that the giant was cruel and rude to them in the past, all because of me. And also they resented me since most of the women were cut off and replaced my others since that 'meet and greet party' when they tried to break up the giant and I by bringing his ex – technically she wasn't his ex – to sabotage the party.