The Giant and His Heart. [Light at the end of the tunnel]

Chapter 26 - "His Light"

Tears were rolling down my cheeks. What he just said was so beautiful. The giant was just in a roll today. He was releasing bombs left and right. It was so unexpected of him to be confessing his feelings the way he was. I liked that he wasn't hiding how he felt about me, that he was open about his feelings towards me which allowed me to be more and more secured in what we were building and what we meant to each other. I also liked the fact that he saw me as his light, because it gave me a sense of purpose and it also made me more determined to help the giant heal in any way possible. I vowed to myself to keep on being that light for him so that whatever darkness that was inside him would fade away completely. I can't believe he saw me without me even realizing it. I mean, he was meeting Paul, who was my boss at the restaurant and I was oblivious to the fact that there was a man who was captivated by me, captivated by my laugh. How surreal! I've never in a million years thought that a man could be captivated by me. I had always been the ugly duckling among my friends, had always been the girl who was overlooked by the opposite sex, and had always been the fat girl and that in turn really made me feel so insecure in my own skin and body. I mean, I also wanted to be seen as desirable as the other girls out there. The breaking point for me I think was realizing that the opposite sex found me undesirable. This caused me to close off - I didn't want any kind of intimacy because it required for me to open parts of myself that I was insecure about - and the other reason why any kind of intimacy terrified me was because I was afraid of being rejected. What if I opened myself up to a guy who would end up throwing back all that I gave to him to my face just because I wasn't what he expected or I wasn't what he wanted? I just couldn't, so that's why I had sworn off men, and also maybe that is one of the reasons why I didn't notice the giant when he saw me that day at the restaurant.

Me: "When was this?" I asked him, my voice full of emotion.

Zano: "2 years ago." He told me. Oh my gosh! I had been 18 years old back then. I thought he was going to say months ago not years ago!..."but you were too young for me to make a move back then, and I still wasn't ready for you yet. I knew that I couldn't rush things with you...that if I really wanted this light to be in my life I had to thread very carefully. So I bided my time and learned what I could about you from a distance." He paused..."it sure as fuck wasn't easy staying away. I would find myself coming by to the restaurant just to see you and to hopefully hear your beautiful laugh again." He admitted uncomfortably..."for the first few months I was so pissed off at you though." He told me chuckling lightly.

Me: "Why?" I asked him in confusion.

Zano: "I felt like a pussy with all these damn feelings you were evoking out of me." He told me..."I never did feelings woman...at all. So it shocked the hell out of me when I was having these confusing and strong as fuck feelings for a woman who didn't even know I existed." Oh my gosh! ..."I planned to turn your life upside down when you turned 21 years. I convinced myself that you'll be ready for a man like me by then. But then some amazing shit happened. A deal went wrong and I get attacked. Crazy thing is, the first person I think of when that happens is you woman. I don't know what the fuck was going through my mind that night, instead of calling my friends I started to stagger towards the road that led me to you...your place." My heart was in my throat. He wasn't saying what I think he was trying to say right? ..."so here I am bleeding my fucking guts out, not caring about anything and anyone. My only thought is getting to you. Of course as you know I didn't make it as far." Please tell me he's lying!..."so I'm on the ground cussing myself out for being so stupid for a woman, but a savior comes to my rescue who is the same woman who has been driving me crazy for the past 2 years." He shook his head..."it was so fucking unbelievable. It was like the universe was trying to tell me something. I knew that night that I was done waiting." He confessed.

Me: "Zano..." I cried. I didn't know what to say to all he said. I was very shocked to say the least. Some of the things that happened that night were starting to add up. I found it so sweet that he was willing to wait for me until I reached the age of 21. Even though it ended up not working out that way, he still waited for 2 years. That's a long time to wait for someone. I felt special. I knew during those 2 years that he waited, he hadn't been a saint. I mean, we weren't even dating by then, hell I didn't even know him then. But the fact that he knew that he wanted me in his life when he was ready in the future for a long term thing was great on its own. It showed that he didn't just want sex from me he wanted a relationship because another man would've approached me a long time ago even if he knew he wasn't ready to commit.