Marvel Fics

Hold On - Natasha Romanoff.

A/n: Songfic about fem!reader remembering Natasha after her death in endgame.
Warnings: angst, character death, suicide, depression and ptsd.

Loving and fighting,
Accusing, denying.
I can't imagine a world with you gone.

Though you were told about Nat's sacrifice when Hawkeye returned to earth, you still had hope; but only a little. Even when they said her death was permanent, you didn't want to believe it.

The joy and the chaos,
The demons we're made of.
I'd be so lost if you left me alone.

Here you were after Tony's funeral, surrounded by all the survivors. Yet somehow you felt more alone than ever. Memories of you and Nat swam through your brain as you escape towards the bathroom.

You locked yourself in the bathroom,
Lying on the floor when I break through.
I pull you in to feel your heart beat.

Tears streaming down your face as you look at yourself in the mirror. You remember the last time you were in this position. It was years ago but you still remember the temperature, her face, everything.

Can you hear me screaming "please don't leave me".
Hold on I still want you, come back I still need you.

Natasha was your only friend after several weeks on the Avengers. She was the one who held you during your darkest moments. The one to assure you that you're beautiful when you doubt yourself. The one to stop you from pulling the trigger years ago.

Let me take your hand, I'll make it right.
I swear to love you all my life.
Hold on I still need you.

The day you met was... interesting. On your way to see Fury when you'd ran, quite literally into Natasha and all you could do was stutter. Though you thought you'd embarrassed yourself, Nat had found you adorable.

Long-endless highway,
You're silent beside me.
Driving a nightmare I can't escape from.

It took a few weeks for you to actually open up to Natasha. Only then did she realise just how hurt and broken you were. That night Nat wouldn't leave you with the fear it'd be the last time she would see you.

Helplessly praying,
The light isn't fading.
Hiding the shock and the chill,
In my bones.

You didn't know what made you fall for her whether it was the way she would smile at you or maybe her determination, what you did know was Nat was the only one to make you feel things.

They took you away on a table,
I pace back and forth as you lay still.
They pull you in to feel your heartbeat,
Can you hear me screaming "please don't leave me".

Realising no one was coming, you were about to pull the trigger when you she'd ran in. Natasha had realised you weren't there and noticed you'd taken your gun, she ran to your room.

Hold on I still want you,
Come back I still need you.
Let me take your hand, I'll make it right,
I swear to love you all my life.

At that moment Nat knew she could've lost you forever. Knowing that you might have died thinking she didn't care, Natasha pulled you close to her and said "please don't leave me. I love you".

Hold on I still need you.
I don't wanna let go,
I know, I'm not that strong.

You had looked towards her, smiling weakly and saying "I love, Nat". She'd pressed her lips to your red, kissable lips as her hands move to your face. You both smile into the kiss not moving for a few seconds.

I just wanna hear you,
Saying "baby, let's go home".
Let's go home,
I just wanna take you home.

You remember the way her hands burned fire into your soft skin. The way Nat would smile warmly at you. How she'd always roll her eyes at the other's immaturity but actually found them funny.

Hold on I still want you,
Come back I still need you.

Thinking of the good moments you had with Natasha and everyone else, you pulled the trigger. Only when they heard the sound did everyone run to the bathroom and there they saw you; lying, surrounded by your own blood. And as you gave a final breath, you whisper "I'm sorry but I love her".