Starboy

Chapter 19: Tennis Court

Brandy

The worst feeling is finding out what you had been hoping and dreaming for is just that —nothing but a dream. It's even worse when it's so close to coming true and then suddenly, it all comes crashing down and reality hits you.

That's how I'm feeling right now. Just completely and utterly disappointed. 

Am I stupid for thinking Benji and I could ever be together? We're total opposites, it's almost as if our love was destined to be tragic. We have been close for years and all that time I had been hoping we could be together, but now it sure as hell doesn't seem possible anymore.

Natalie is beautiful. She has glossy long hair and sparkling eyes, with perfect skin and a contagious smile. She also knew damn well how to dress. I've never seen anyone so young with such an elegant taste in fashion before. And she pulled off the whole mature woman thing really, really well. I can see why Steven and Emily love her. She's picture-perfect.

I don't know why I'm such an emotional wreck. I've been such a jealous bitch ever since my first kiss with Benji. After we kissed, it was like every other girl became my competition. Maybe it's because I'm insecure or maybe it's because I can't pull myself into trusting Benji. I want to trust him and honestly, I thought I could but nothing seems the same anymore. It's like our first kiss ruined what we had before we moved in together. 

The morning after that awful dinner, I wonder if Benji ever came home after our fight. Was it a fight? I don't even know what it was. I guess I was angrier than him. Hell, he wasn't even mad, it was all me. 

I have no classes today so I'm meeting Hellen and my friends at the skatepark. The last few days have been hectic, I haven't had any time to skateboard or even think about it. My mind lately has been occupied with adjusting to school and of course, Benji. I don't even know if living here is a good idea anymore.

I head down the elevator and skate my way to the park. It looks as if Hellen is still not feeling great — her leg, I mean. I assume she's still recovering from her fall. She is sitting down on the bench while everyone else skates on the ramps. 

"Hey," I smile as I next down next to her, my feet over my board.

She turns to me and attempts a smile. "Hey, Baby."

I narrow my eyes at her. "You don't seem too happy, Hel. What's up?"

She shrugs as she plays with the loose string on her hoodie. "I'm pretty bummed," she tells. "My doctor told me I shouldn't skate for at least a month."

"That sucks," I feel for her. "But hey, it's just a month." 

"Yeah, but there was this huge skateboarding competition that I was training for. It's in two weeks, and now I can't enter. Fuck," she groans.

"Why are you here then?" I wonder.

"I don't know. I guess this is my happy place."

"Mine too," I agree.

"How's Benji?" She asks, changing the subject.

I laugh. "Since when do you care about Benji?"

She chuckles. "I don't," she answers. "But I know he's important to you, B. So tell me what's going on with the two of you."

I become all tense thinking about him. Usually, I come to her with good news, but today I don't even know if I can talk about him. "We're..."I trail off. "Not so great," I answer vaguely.