Just another straight girl (Y/N)

Chapter 20

Y/N's POV:
At midnight my single was being released. I had never been so nervous to release music before. I think it's either because everyone has been waiting so long for me to release music or because of what or who the song is about. My manager Taylor, Tom and some others came over to support me during the stress of waiting for it to be released. Scarlett arrived after they did.
"Hey how are you feeling?" She asks hugging me tightly.
"I'm stressed. I just want everyone to love it. What if they hate it? What if it's so bad they don't even let me tour or release the album? Then I can't go to the states and we break up and I'm left alone again," I start panicking.
"Hey look at me. They're going to love it because it's your words and your truth ok?" She assures me cupping my face in her hands kissing me gently.
"Ok," I say taking a deep breath. She takes my hand and we walk over to the couch. Scarlett pours me a big glass of wine then wraps her arm around me.
"I've got you," she whispers kissing my cheek and I feel myself start to relax a little.

We order pizza and everyone seems to be enjoying themselves but as it nears 11 I start to feel the nerves wash over me again. I excuse myself heading outside for some fresh air. Pacing up and down I start to fixate on every little thing that could go wrong. Think about something else anything else.
"Hey," a familiar voice said.
"How long have I been out here is it movie night already?" I ask confused at Lizzie's presence.
"Scarlett knew you'd be stressed about today so invited me to come over because she thought I could help you better than she could," Lizzie explains.
"She's too good for me. I'm not good enough for anyone," I sigh holding my head in my hands as I sit on the chair. She bends down in front of me holding my hands.
"Look at me. You are the best person I've ever known. You inspire me to be better, braver and more open. This is the anxiety and your insecurities talking. All we've got to do is retrain your brain. Every time you have a negative thought you just correct it. So say if you think you're not good enough at singing. Just put a positive spin on it. That wasn't my best performance I was better when I did it this time. I'm going to do this to make sure it's as good as that every time. Set yourself small targets and goals to achieve," Lizzie encourages me.
"Thank you. Is that what you do?" I inquire.
"Yeah sometimes. Instead of thinking of all the things that could go wrong I think of all the positive outcomes there could be instead. It takes practice but I don't have the attacks as much anymore," she explains.
"I'm glad I hate the thought of you feeling the way I do right now. Scarlett was right to invite you. Having you here has helped massively. Thank you for coming," I reply gratefully.
"You're welcome. I'm going to go and get Scarlett ok? I'll see you inside," she says standing up.
"Wait... can I give you a hug?" I ask. She nods smiling. I bring her in for a tight hug for much longer than I should've. I pull back knowing that was wrong. She smiles sadly and heads inside.

A few minutes later Scarlett appears with a drink of water for me. I finish the glass of water while she sits next to me waiting for me to talk.
"Thank you for inviting Lizzie. She gave me a really good tool that she uses. I think I'll be able to handle the stress better now," I say kissing her on the cheek. She looks kind of sad.
"You told me you didn't need her but I think you do Y/N. Are you sure you made the right choice? She seemed to calm you down much quicker than I ever have," she asks.
"Of course I did. I want to be with you Scarlett, I'm falling for you more and more everyday. Lizzie can help me more because she suffers with anxiety like I do. Not because I want to be with her or need her but because she understands. If you don't suffer with it you can try to understand but nothing will fully capture what I'm feeling unless you've been through it. Does that make sense? The point is I chose you and I continue to do so everyday. Do you not trust me?" I inquire nervously not sure if I want to hear the answer.
"I'm falling for you too. It does make sense. When it comes to trusting you I know I can trust you but I'm so scared of losing you. You have this connection with her that so seamless and effortless," she sighs.
"Am I not attentive enough? What can I do to make you feel more secure? Tell me and I'll do it. I just want to make you happy baby," I assure her.
"You're the perfect girlfriend I guess I'm just a little insecure. I wish everyday that I met you first," she replies.
"Do you want me to stop speaking to her?" I ask reluctant.
"No I couldn't ask you to do that," Scarlett refutes.
"How about I only hang out with her when you're there too? That way you can see we're just friends. Will that help?" I offer.
"Thank you," she says hugging me tightly.
"You have nothing to thank me for. You mean so much to me. I'll do whatever it takes to make you happy." She kisses me gently and we head back inside.

I spend the evening almost avoiding Lizzie because I'm going to have to tell her Tom, her and I can't hang out next week. Pouring myself another drink in the kitchen I hear footsteps behind me.
"What's going on?" Lizzie asks.
"I don't know how to say this," I sigh at the awkwardness.
"She doesn't want you to hang out with me anymore. Does she?" She reasons.
"Not without her. It's not her fault though it was my idea. It's hard seeing us connect and you being the one that can calm me down so easily," I explain.
"I get it. I do but maybe you should think about why that is. You told me you didn't need me. It looked like you needed me tonight. Look me in the eye and tell me you don't feel the slightest bit of curiosity or doubt if you made the right choice," she insists stepping closer.
"Lizzie... stop," I plead.
"Tell me," she requests.
"I can't ok. Just stop please I'm happy with Scarlett. You had your chance I gave you countless chances before Scarlett and I started dating but all you cared about was the physical stuff. Not my feelings, not my well-being just that you had me hooked. You didn't want me but you didn't want anyone else to have me either. That's what all this has been about," I rant angrily and quietly so no one else could hear.
"Is that what you really think? You're more blind than I thought. The reason I said those things about Scarlett that you overheard is because I'm in love with you. I love you. And if you love someone you let them be happy even if it hurts. But this pain of seeing you with her is too much for me to bare. Call me selfish or whatever but I love you and want to be with you," Lizzie replies hurt.
"Y...You love me? Why didn't you tell me?"
"Because it wouldn't have changed anything. You don't trust me. Yes I love you. I have from the second time we hung out. I regret all the hurt I caused you Y/N. I regret every insensitive thing I said," she sighs tears streaming down her cheeks.
"I think you should go," I request turning away.
"Y/N please," she whispers her hand on my back.
"Please I need you to leave Lizzie, this is all too much," I beg her still unable to look at her.

Once I hear her leave I compose myself and walk back into the lounge where everyone else had started to leave until it was just Scarlett and I.
"How much did you hear?" I ask as she shuts the door behind Tom.
"Enough. She loves you. And I can't compete with that because I'm not there yet," she mumbles tearily.
"You don't have to compete with that because I'm falling in love with you. I don't trust her she's only saying this because she doesn't want us to be together. You make me happy. You're the person I want to introduce to the world as my girlfriend," I assure her wrapping my arms around her waist.
"Please don't say that stuff if you don't mean it. Because I'm allowing myself to fall for you and I only want to do that if you'll be there to catch me," she pleads.
"I do mean it Scarlett, every word. I'll catch you and I'll make sure to have a trampoline and a parachute to support me just in case I don't judge my distances properly," I reply trying to lighten the mood which makes her smile and giggle reluctantly.
"You're an idiot," she laughs wrapping my arms around my neck.
"With a beautiful girlfriend," I say before kissing her gently.

Stay with me it'll be worth it