Between Love and Hate

The Big Drive

*Violet's POV*

I'm currently lying awake, staring at the sheer canopy above my four poster bed, still completely unable to fall asleep. Tomorrow is the day I travel to Boston with my boyfriend Jason (everybody calls him Jace) to start my freshman year at Harvard. He's a year older than me and is heading into his second year at UMass Boston. We've been together for almost 4 years now, though our relationship started long before that. We grew up as neighbours in our gated community and over the years, our friendship developed into more.

He was there for me through my parents' divorce which caused my existing anxiety problems to snowball into a pretty bad eating disorder. He was there for me when my mom remarried and moved to London.

I was actually a little surprised that he stuck with me because when he hit tenth grade, he basically became hot overnight. He joined the football team, filled out, grew like a foot and his baby face disappeared. I'm glad he didn't lose his dimples though because I find them so adorable. He grew out his blonde hair a little so that when he pushes it back it gets this sexy little wave on the top and sides. And there I was, still in 9th grade, short, stick thin with thinning dull brown hair on account of my rampaging eating disorder, with braces and a nose that didn't fit my face.

He had many other options, but still chose to stick it out with me. He brought me to all of my therapy sessions and even convinced me to go to a camp for other kids with similar problems at the end of that school year which helped me a lot.

After that summer, I actually managed to start eating more or less normally and filled out a little. Sometimes I still struggle with not looking at the calorie count on packaging and not obsessively weighing myself and I don't look in mirrors too long because I start picking apart everything wrong with my body.

I also got my braces off and my hair started growing back to its normal shiny chocolate brown colour. I started long distance running which helped me put on some muscle and discovered I actually was really good at it.

We were still a bit of an odd couple though, with him being a varsity athlete and me preferring to study or read. I'm quiet and not a particularly big fan of parties and people in general whereas he's outgoing and confident. He's also one of the sweetest people in the whole world so literally everyone likes him. He always worked hard to try and push me out of my comfort zone without pushing me too hard which is one of the things I love most about him.

He's probably the only reason I actually have somewhat of a social life, other than my best friend Rebecca. She and I have been friends forever and we're kindred spirits. A lot of the time when we hang out, we spend it just reading together or listening to music. We do our own thing but together and it's the best. I feel like myself around her.

I went to Jace's prom with him and we had planned to lose our virginities that night, but when it came time, I just wasn't ready yet. He was so patient and gentle with me and I was so grateful for that.

During my senior year, with him away at college, I didn't get to see him very often and I missed him like crazy. When my senior prom came around, I was ready to finally be with him in that way.

We were each other's firsts for literally everything and it was gonna happen eventually and I was done waiting. It was...nice. I still don't really understand why everyone makes such a big deal out of it to be honest. We've done it several more times over the summer and it's just that: pleasant.

As I continue to lie there contemplating the game plan for today, I run through the list of everything I've packed trying to remember if I've forgotten anything. I spent my whole summer planning for this so it's unlikely I've missed anything important, but I can't help but obsess over it.