Between Love and Hate

I Have a Boyfriend

*Violet's POV*

The rest of orientation week passed by rather quickly. I went to see my therapist on Wednesday. She seemed nice enough and mostly just asked me general questions about my file and my history.

I told her about Stella and about Kane and my mother and the trip this weekend. She seemed to think it would be good for me to see her but I'm not so sure. I also left out the kiss between Kane and me. I keep trying to convince myself that if I don't say it out loud, maybe it never happened in the first place.

I spoke with Jace Wednesday after my therapy session and told him about this weekend. He had to cut the conversation short again because of football practice but told me that if I needed anything over the weekend to call him.

By the time Friday morning rolls around, I am sitting in bed scrolling through social media, trying to stop myself from letting my anxiety take over and failing miserably.

"Geez Vi, you're gonna bite your lip off soon." I release my lip from between my teeth and look over at Stella.

"Sorry," I say.

"Don't apologize to me, it's your lip. Also, just relax, it's only a couple days. I'm sure your mom will be happy to see you, if that's what you're worried about."

I just nod, even though that's not it at all. Kane is making me way more nervous than my mother is. I have to spend 3 hours in a car alone with him. I would be lying if I said a small part of me wasn't hoping for something to happen like it did the other day and I hate myself for it. I shouldn't be thinking these things about someone else when I have a boyfriend who I love. And not just "someone else", my step-brother, to be precise. My step-brother who also happens to be a complete asshole and who I'm 97% sure hates me.

I packed yesterday so I don't really have anything to do.

"I think I'm going to go for a run," I tell Stella.

"Do you want company?" She asks.

"You run?"

"Sometimes. Not as much as you obviously, but I really would love to get into it. And it could be fun having someone to run with."

"Yeah, sure. Sounds good to me."

We change and then head out together. We set an easy pace and chat idly as we run. It's kind of nice to have company. We run about 5 miles and then head back to the dorms for a shower before lunch.

After my shower, I put on some capri leggings, a t-shirt and a loose plaid shirt. I figure I may as well be comfortable for the drive. While we're eating in the cafeteria, I get a text from Kane saying that he'll pick me up in 30 and asking which dorm I'm in so I tell him and then we head back to our room.

Right on schedule, I get a text from him saying he's here and I give Stella a quick hug goodbye and she tells me to text her when we get there and to call if "things go tits up" as she so graciously put it. I grab my small duffle and backpack and head outside.

When I get downstairs, I see Kane leaning against his very pretty black Porsche with a cigarette in his mouth and I get the urge to pull it out of his mouth and either take a drag or kiss him. I snap myself out of it and look at the ground. Neither of those are viable options. I used to smoke a little because I heard that cigarettes are appetite suppressants. Part of my recovery involved ditching cigarettes. And, obviously, Kane, in general, is completely off-limits.

He presses a button and the trunk opens up. He makes no move to come and help me which is momentarily surprising because I know Jace would. I place my duffle inside, but keep my backpack with me and walk over to the passenger door. He still hasn't said a single word, or really even looked in my direction. He tosses the cigarette butt on the pavement and stomps it out, getting into the driver seat. I get in and place my bag between my feet.