Between Love and Hate

Before Violet

*Kane's POV*

We both get up from the booth and head towards his car. When we get in, the tension in the vehicle is almost tangible. I start driving and when we're in front of her dorm, I look at her and she says, "Kane, you and I both know this can't work. It would be best if we just, you know, kept our distance."

She's 100% right but that does nothing to stop the sharp pain that slices through my chest. But I would suffer this pain every day for the rest of my life to protect her. And that's exactly what I will do.

"I know. Like I said this morning, it won't happen again," I tell her, forcing my voice to not give away the pain I feel.

"Right," she whispers and then gets out of the car. I fight the urge to go help her with her bag because if I do, I won't have enough self-control to stop myself from doing things I shouldn't. I push the button to open the trunk and when I hear her close it, I drive back to the frat house and head straight up to my room.

I put my bag down and then lie back on my bed. As I lie there, I contemplate the new information I learned today. I think over every off-handed comment I ever made to her in an attempt to prove to my father that she's irrelevant to me. She was struggling through something horrible and I just made it worse.

It was so much easier to write off all those insults before I knew. The thought that anything I said to her aggravated her illness makes me physically sick to my stomach. I hate myself for saying those things to her. I wish I could take them all back. But I can't.

The fact that she not only tolerates my presence, but has never shown me anything but kindness despite the things I've said just makes me feel even more protective of her. She's too good for my world. Too good for me.

Suddenly, the words "love you too" coming out of Violet's mouth pop into my head. The words she said to Jace over the phone. She loves him and he loves her.

My thoughts flicker to the club last night and how she came apart so quickly around my fingers. I didn't imagine how her body reacted to me. It felt completely natural to have my hands on her. It's difficult to logically reconcile how something that felt so right could be so wrong.

I wish there were fights tonight. Going to Manhattan this weekend ruined my chances of getting in the ring with a legit fighter last night. I text Rex and ask him if the guys are there training this afternoon.

When he replies yes, I change into shorts and throw black sweats over top and then walk out to my stashed car before making my way to the gym.

When I arrive I see Rex walking around the ring while Blade and Striker fight in the middle. I walk up to Rex and say, "So did I miss anything interesting this weekend?"

"Striker and Blade both won against Machine last night so it was a good night for us. What did you get up to?"

"Nothing as interesting as that. Next weekend I will definitely be partaking in the excitement though. I need a good challenge," I reply.

I wait for Striker and Blade's match to end and then Striker hops out and says, "Well look who decided to join us. You missed some good fights this weekend."

"Yeah, I heard. Had some family shit to deal with."

"Don't we all," he replies before clapping me on the back as I take his place across from Blade in the ring.

I proceed to spend the next several hours sparring with Blade and Striker on and off and getting advice from Rex that I don't hesitate to take. The distraction is nice, but once again, fighting in this controlled environment does nothing to satiate me.

When Rex calls it a night, I head back to the frat house to shower and change into jeans and t-shirt before walking to the closest bar. I order 3 vodka shots and down them quickly before ordering a double whiskey sour. I don't normally drink those but that's what I drank with Violet and I'm a sucker for punishment today apparently. I want to remind myself of the thing I can never have.

I hand the bartender my credit card and tell him to keep them coming. When I'm on my third whiskey sour, I start to feel the buzz in my head and a pretty blonde girl walks up to me, leans on the bar and says, "Hey there," as she drags her eyes up and down my body and licks her lips.

"Hey," I reply and pull out the seat next to me. The bartender walks up and she says, "I'll have whatever he's having."

"No you won't," I reply with barely contained rage. She will not have Violet's drink. She gives me a strange look and then says, "Fine, I'll have a vodka soda." The bartender nods and then walks away to make her drink and she spins a little in her chair to face me and says, "I'm Lauren. What's your name?"

I look at her through hooded eyes and say, "Does it matter?"

She raises an eyebrow and then says, "No, I guess it doesn't."

We down several more drinks and then she says, "So, your place or mine?"

"Yours," I say shortly. I don't bring girls to my room. If you go to their place, you're the one that controls when you leave instead of having to convince them to leave. I pay my tab and then follow her out of the bar.

We walk a few blocks before stopping at a sorority house that actually isn't too far from the frat house. Of course she's a sorority girl. I momentarily contemplate just leaving right away but I've been in desperate need of a release this entire weekend.

I follow her up to her room and we thankfully don't run into anybody on our way up. The second we close the door she strips off her shirt and attacks my mouth with hers. I immediately notice the lack of, well, any kind of emotion. This is no different than how it felt to fuck all those random girls before....before Violet happened.

I growl and it causes the blonde to moan a little. She thinks it's for her. I pull her away from my mouth by her hair and turn her around and bend her over the bed. I pull her pants and underwear down in one swift motion. I find myself imagining Violet's ass up in the air in front of me and get hard instantly. I drag my zipper open, pull a condom out of the back of my pants and roll it on. I line myself up and slam inside her. I close my eyes and picture Violet clenching around my fingers in the club.

My breathing increases with my pace as I slam in and out of the girl who's name I don't care to remember. I picture the way her hand wrapped around the back of my neck as I kissed her in the bathroom and the way my name sounds on her tongue and I groan as I finish into the condom.

I pull out and have my pants zipped up before she can even turn around. When I see her naked in front of me it only makes me disappointed.

"We should do this again sometime," she says.

"Don't count on it," I say and then walk out and head back to the frat house.