The Difference Between Fear and Terror

Untitled Part 15

"Hi Baby," he says softly as he walks into the room. He is cautious in his movements as he comes towards the bed. he looks so sorry, for what I don't know. "Are you feeling okay?" I didn't think it was possible for him to be this quiet. "I'll be fine." I say it quietly, attempting to not stutter, but I fail miserably.

His fists clench at his sides and I scoot further up the bed, away from him. He lets out a long shaky breath and releases his fists. "Oh god, baby, I'm so sorry. It is all my fault. I should've stayed home with you. I should've..." I cut him off with a wave of my hand. "Not your fault," I say with as much conviction as possible, which isn't much. I can tell he doesn't believe me, but he drops it.

"Did you sleep okay?" Dr. Green must've told him. I don't want to talk about it. I thought my answer to him would suffice. I shrug, it was still probably the best sleep I've gotten lately. "Nightmare?" I shrug again, trying to get him to drop it. I really don't want to talk about it. "What was it about?" Can he not take a hint? I shrug yet again. I should've faked going back to sleep. It would be better than this conversation.

"I-it doesn't m-matter." His face falls and he reaches out for me, then pulls back. "It does matter to me baby. It matters to every single one of us out in that hallway." I shake my head. He is lying. They can't care about me. I am just shards of glass, cutting whoever tries to pick me up. "Stop caring. P-please just s-stop. Trying to-to fix me will only h-hurt you."

I wish they could care about me. I am afraid that if they care it'll hurt them though. They are much more important than me. When they realize that I am unfixable, what will they do? What will I do?

"Baby, you are mine. No matter what I will never leave you. Luke won't leave you. Silas won't leave you. Mr. Blackbourne won't leave you. Kota won't leave you. None of us are going to leave." I don't respond to him. I can't respond to him. He sighs, "My time is up, I'll see you soon."

...

I get out into the hallway and slam my head against the wall. Fuck. She is so much worse than I thought. She thought we were going to leave her. Yes, she is broken, and no, I don't know if she can be fixed, but I'll be damned if I don't try.

She lied. She said she wants us to stop caring. It is impossible to stop caring about her. She is my sanity, my backbone.

I had to get out of there before I scared her. I was about three seconds away from professing my love for her or doing something stupid. The last thing I want is hours right now.

"Mr. Taylor, Report." How to word this in a way where I won't start screaming?

"Refused to talk about the nightmare. effectively told me it didn't matter because she doesn't matter. I told her she mattered to all of us and she ignored me. said she wanted us to stop caring, but she was lying." And for the umpteenth time today Mr. Blackbourne showed emotion. He is as invested as all of us.