The Difference Between Fear and Terror

Untitled Part 56

My heart palpitates as I turn the knife in my hands. Do I do this? Should I? Am I really ready to die? Shake out of it Luke, I say to myself. This must just be delirium from the blood loss. I'm feeling a bit faint, now that I mention t. But am I really ready to die?

They wouldn't care. No one would.

Would they? Sang cares about everybody. She cares about me. Yeah, she does. Maybe. I don't know. Why am I even thinking this? Famous last thoughts. Right now I have two options, 1) just sit here and let my self bleed out, like I probably should, or 2) call someone.

Oh, what to pick, what to pick? I don't know what brought on this thought process, of course I should just let myelf die.

I drift off into a slumber. I go back to the day Sang was taken. Oh god, that was the worst day of my life. I would've swapped with her in an instant. I don't think she is back yet. I don't think she ever really will be.

I go back to the day I caught her burning herself. I could sympathize, but that didn't mean I wasn't mad about it. She isn't allowed to do that shit. She wasn't concerned about herself, but she picked up on something none of my brothers never did. I practically presented them but they pretended they didn't exist. she noticed even with the longer sleeves. I would bet she hasn't stopped. I know better than to expect that from someone. It isn't that simple. It never will be.

It hits me. She needs me. No one else will pay her any attention. Their heads are  too far up their asses to see.  She needs me. They are far too clueless.

I wake up with a start. I can't leave her like this. I can't let her tun into a pathetic being like me. I will not die until she will not. I can't do this to her. I can't.

I pull out my phone and red line Dr. Green. "Luke. " He answers before the first ring even hits.

"I'm in the woods behind Uncles's . I need you. Pease."

"Luke. What is happening?" His tone is dead serious.

"I did something stupid. I'm bleeding, a lot." He sighs into the phone. "I'll be there in three minutes."

I may never be as important as Sang, but Dr. Green at least cares enough to come get me. I am really dizzy and clouds form on the edge of my vision. I don't know what is happening. It didn't go this slowly last time. It feels like I am prying  my eyelids open when all they want to do is shut.  I'm scared. What if I die here? What if he can't find me?

I hear footsteps pounding down the path. "Luke! Luke!" I manage a feeble response back. Or maybe I just imaginined it. I don't quite know. It is like a curtain has fallen over my eyes. As I feel Dr. Grreen tounch my arm, I allow myself to drift back into dreamland.