The Difference Between Fear and Terror

Untitled Part 36

~A few days later~

"Oy, Trouble, can we please, pretty pretty please go shopping? I'm sick of seeing you wear stuff that's too big," To be honest I had thought about it a bit. I'm surprised it has taken him this long to ask. I shrug in agreement. It can't be that bad, right?

"Yes!" The happiness that radiates from him in this moment is so worth any discomfort that may result from shopping.

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"Let's start with a new swimsuit, then new bras and underwear, then over to clothes."

"I don't need all tha-" He cuts me off. "Wrong. You need it all, because I'm not sure if it is fucking obvious to everyone, but you shrunk." He practically pulls me into a shop. He starts pulling suits off the rack, slinging them over his arm. He pushes me towards the dressing rooms and hands me the first suit.

The suit is a green bikini halter with short matching swim shorts. There are little white starfish. It is pretty cute, but it shows way to much of my skin.

I slowly undress, wincing when the fabric brushes over fresh burns. It has happened a few more times now. The feeling of flame over my skin is addicting. The feeling that I can control something, anything, is empowering.

As soon as I put it on I take it back off again. There is no way I can wear that. I shove it between the curtain and the wall at Gabriel.

"What's wrong with it?"

"Um... I just don' like it. It fits weird." I lie. He hands me a different one. This one is solid black, and while slightly more modest, still shows way too much skin.

I stare at the mirror, scrutinizing my every flaw. Which there are a lot of. How could they ever want me? I am hideous. I am covered in scars from head to toe. Any assets I once had are gone. I probably don't even need a bra anymore.

They are going to leave me. Tears fall silently down my face. They are going to leave me and there is nothing I can do about it. Nobody could ever love someone like me.

"Trouble, are you doing okay in there? Do you want me to come in?" I answer both questions truthfully. "N-no." My voice cracks and I stutter.

"Are you decent?" I don't respond and he pushes the curtain open and closes it behind him. By now I am sitting on the bench with my face in my knees. He sits down behind me and pulls me sideways into his lap.

He pushes my hair so it doesn't hide my face. he places a small kiss on my nose. I am still softly crying. "What's going on Sang?" His voice is soft and he sounds like he is in pain. Why would he be in pain? He hugs me close to his body.

"S-sorry." A single tear tracks down his face. "That doesn't answer the question." It does though. "I-I'm  s-sorry for b-being me." More tears fall down his face and I don't know what to do, so I wipe them off.

"I don't think you get this Sang. I love you. Seeing you in pain is painful. I love being with you, hearing your angelic giggles. You have absolutely fucking nothing to be sorry for. Some asshole took you, that isn't your fault, not your fault at all." I nod, not quite believing his words, yet not dismissing them.

"How about you get dressed and we can be done shopping for the day. Ooo, let's go get ice cream."