The Difference Between Fear and Terror

Untitled Part 43

Kota's POV

Dr.Green walks out of the room and I allow myself I fall into my feelings. It isn't the first time Mr. Blackbourne has seen me break. I am weak. He knows that. I am at 589. Counting keeps the emotions just under the surface. I stop counting.

This is ridiculous. I can't keep my girlfriend from getting kidnapped. I can't keep my brother alive. I can't.

0,1,1,2,3,5,8,13,21,34

I am the absolute worst brother. The worst boyfriend. I shouldn't be in charge. I can't be in charge.

1,11,21,1211,111221,312211,13112221

I choke up. Why am I doing this? Why am I doing this to them?

3,6,12,14,18,26,38,62,74,102

Tears blur my vision and I hiccup. I am crying hysterically.

1,1,2,4,6,18,21,84,88,440

I can't calm down. I can't catch my breath. I can't. I can't. I can't. I can't keep doing this to them.

0,1,-2,5,-12,29,-70,169,-408,985

They don't deserve to be subjected to me. I can't keep failing them.

1,5,12,22,35,51,70,92,117,145,176

I feel the couch move next to me but I don't look up.

1,6,15,28,45,66,91,120,153,190,231

An arm wraps around my shoulders, but I can't process thoughts right now.

15,34,65,111,175,260

I gulp down air. Mr. Blackbourne is my boss. I am being extremely unprofessional.

1,1,2,5,14,42,132,429,1430,4862

I look to him. "I-I re-resign as team lead." He is taken aback. "Why?"

"I refuse to continue failing the team. I don't deserve to be leader."

"You are not failing the team," his voice softens, "I am."