The Difference Between Fear and Terror

Untitled Part 45

A few days later

Luke's POV

North is dragging me over to Nathan's house, why I don't know, but probably because he has to go over there and won't let me out of his sight. I find him standing outside of doors as I go to the bathroom. I find him poking his head into my bedroom every three minutes, even at night.

The thoughts are gaining greater purchase in my mind. They are grabbing on and pulling chunks off. I am losing the battle of life. What is happening to me?

I would try again if I knew that I wouldn't fail. Someone would catch me.

I guess the only good part about this is that I might see Sang. will she even want to look at me? I am such a failure. I can't even die properly

.

Nathan pulls me into a hug. People have been doing that more lately. Someone must have told them to. No one would hug me by choice. He motions to Sang's bedroom, saying without words that see is in there.

I knock softly, and when there is no response I crack open the door. She's not in there. The shower is running in the adjacent bathroom, but something is off about the sound. The water is just hitting the bottom of the tub.

Maybe she just hasn't gotten in yet? I give it a few minutes, long enough to realize she isn't getting in. I knock on the door. No response.

I inch the door open to see if she is in there. She is standing by the sink with wild eyes. Her entire body is trembling as she puts the end of a cigarette to her skin. She looks possessed. I know the feeling. Depression inches its way into every corner of your mind, tearing you apart from the inside.

I swing the door open fully. She doesn't even notice. She is entranced by the sight of her burning flesh.

I can't let her do this.

I knock the cigarette out of her hand and dousing it in water from the sink. Her eyes widen as she realizes my presence.

I grab her wrist, looking at the perfect circular burns up and down her arms. I want to spill my blood.

She is terrified. Of what, I don't know, but there is no way I am letting this continue. I dial Mr. Blackbourne as I lead her into the bedroom. I need to cut.

Is this how everyone else felt when they found me? Like their own heart is being torn out of their chest? Because that is how I feel right now. I want to die.

He picks up. "Mr. Taylor?" I don't know what to say or how to say it. It has been weeks since I have last spoke.

"Um, I need you. I'm with Sang. Please." I didn't mean to sound so desperate, but I am. "Are you okay?" Am I?

"I don't know. Can you come please?" And in that moment I don't know if I am calling for Sang or for me.