Easton's Light

Thirty-eight

I can feel his heart beating a little too fast, but the rhythm is comforting. Being with him makes everything seem fine. He knew just how to comfort me, even without words. His arms were wrapped around me as a protective shield from anything that could ever hurt me.

I was dosing off to sleep when he started to get up, I didn't want to let go, so I wrapped my arms around his neck, within seconds I was without him. We were in the bathroom, and I couldn't help but study him. He was always so complicated but I could see everything now when I looked at him.

I felt his warm hands hold my face before his sweet voice whispered, "there's my girl."

It made my heart swell, I wanted to stay like this forever, I wanted this moment to forever replace all the ones that haunted me. But all I could do was give him the smallest smile.

Was it even a smile?

I've forgotten how to smile, the muscles in my face have not known this reaction in months.

He turned and walked over to the bath, running the water. That's when I caught sight of his knuckles, caked onto them was dried blood.

I felt my heartbreak, what did he do? It hurt, knowing that he could or was in pain. He turned and walked back towards me, but before he was standing in front of me, I had already caught his bloody hand.

"What did you do East?" I questioned.

"It's nothing." He smiled at me, yet I knew he had lied. It wasn't nothing and he knew it.

"Hand me the cloth." The demand came out of my mouth before I had time to process that I said anything. Within several seconds I had the cloth in my hands and wetted it under the faucet. I gently dabbed it onto his hand, I could feel his eyes on me, they were like lasers, watching my every move.

I wondered what he did, or who he punched. I'd feel sorry for the wall if he hit it.

I looked up giving him once again, a kinda small smile. But this time it was different because he didn't return it, instead he brought his lips to mine. It was unfamiliar, yet the most familiar feeling in the world, his lips were soft.

I felt myself melt against his lips, how couldn't I?

And as soon as it began, it ended.

He pushed his forehead against mine, bringing me impossibly close to him.

"God, I love you." He whispered.

I could hear him tell me that all day. He was doing so much, and I?

I couldn't even tell him I loved him, I just couldn't no matter how much I loved him. The words couldn't form properly in my mouth and I could see how much that hurt him because as soon as he didn't hear me say anything, he went and turned the running water off.

I stood to my feet to try and stop him, yet he couldn't even face me.

I was in so much pain, that I caused him pain.

I love him, I just-

I couldn't let something else hurt me. I could finally stand hearing my voice, I could walk, yet mentally I wasn't prepared for anything else to affect my life.

I was constantly in a fight with my mind.

I just need one thing at a time. But I did need him, I needed him more than I needed anyone in my life, he was my safety line. He brought me peace of mind.

I watched as he attempted to walk out the door, I grabbed his arm. I didn't want him to leave, I wanted to be with him, no matter what.

When he turned and finally faced me I mumbled out, "stay."

I pushed my face into his chest. His scent wrapped around me, one of my favourite smells. He held me close to him as if I would disappear.

Yet, I still needed to be closer to him.

For the first time in a long time, every thought disappeared, every fear. There was just the feeling of him being there. I slipped out from under his embrace, turning my back towards him.

I slowly peel my shirt over my head, I can feel his eyes on me. Specifically on my back, the one place I'm glad I can't see.

I reach up my back to unclasp my bra when I feel his hand over mine.

"Let me do it." He whispered. I closed my eyes feeling his hand run up my back before he unclasped my bra.

He touched me, and it felt as if, the stars were dancing across my skin.

His lips grazed my shoulder before I slipped off my shorts, and underwear off, sliding slowly into the bath.

I closed my eyes, letting the hot water soak into my skin. I opened them, to find him standing, staring at me.

I give him a smile, before waving my hand, "come on."

I lay back, closing my eyes once again, I can hear him rustling around, and his clothing falling onto the ground before, he slowly moves me forward, slipping in behind me.

I relax my back against his chest, while his one arm wraps around my stomach. He was everything I needed and more.

His hand was slowly drawing circles along my arm, whispering sweet nothings into my ear.

His lips slowly moved against my neck and shoulder. I froze at his touch, it was sweet until it wasn't anymore.

The memories started flooding in, and I couldn't do anything to stop them. His face formed in the darkness of my closed eyes.

He grabbed me and threw me up against the wall.

"What the fuck did I tell you about this fucking disrespect." He yelled his foot launching into my face.

My body was completely numb, I could feel the blood running down my face, and forming a pool within my mouth. I watched as he crouched down in front of me, forcing me to look up at him.

"Now look what you made me do, Lyla." My name sounding like poison.

He scooped me up off the floor, walking over to the bed, laying me down on it, before he climbed on top of me. I attempted to scream, yet his hand muffled my cries for help.

"Shh, now sweetheart, you'll enjoy this." His words made me sick to my stomach, before his rough lips, pressed roughly against my neck. The weight of his body, holding me down onto the bed.

"No, stop, stop!" I found myself bellowing out.

"Lyla, please, open your eyes, it's me." A familiar voice called out, echoing throughout my head.

My hands were over my ears, voices were echoing throughout my head. I wanted out, I needed to get away from them, I had to get away from them.

Then everything slowly started to disappear, when I opened my eyes. I took in my surroundings, I was on the bathroom floor, a towel was draped over me.

I could see the pain of the blue-eyed man that was kneeling in front of me. I wanted to make him feel better, but I didn't know-how.

"Look, it's me. No one else, Ly." His sweet voice whispered.

I love him.

"I'm sorry," I quietly whisper. I could feel my bottom lip trembling, I wanted to be strong, but I was scared of the man who haunted my dreams.

"Baby, please don't cry. It pains me to see you cry." He spoke softly, his hand slightly rubbing my forearm.

I pushed myself into his chest, his body reacted immediately once again shielding me from everything that could ever hurt me.

The words formed on my tongue and left my lips without any notice.

"I love you."