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emerson
it has been weeks since jonah confessed that he wants to try being together again. i've been avoiding the situation and pretending that it never happened. i'm just too terrified to do anything about it.
we're finally in a good, stable place and i'd hate to ruin that by starting up a relationship again so soon. that and it'd probably only confuse noah. it's too much to handle right now which is why i've chosen to ignore it completely... or at least try to ignore it.
but that's never as easy as it sounds.
on a better note, favorite crime has been doing so good! it's being played on the radio everywhere and it's doing better than july did when it was released. the support i have gotten has amazed me.
of course there are tons of haters out there as well but i've found that it's easy to not listen to what they say because they literally have no idea about anything that goes on in our lives.
"you seem distracted," a voice pulls me from my thoughts as i glance up to see jonah.
i'm currently sitting on my bed with my lyric book in hand, trying to remember and write down a sudden burst of inspiration that has since left me.
"sorry. what's up?" i ask, closing the book.
he sits at the edge of the bed before fiddling with one of the rings on his middle finger, "i just.. wanted to check in and see where you're at with everything."
see. definitely not as easy as it sounds.
"with...?"
he raises an eyebrow, "with what we talked about a few weeks ago. it's been a while and i know i said to take your time but it's driving me crazy, em."
"oh that. right," i trail off, unsure of what to say.
"that doesn't sound too promising."
"it's not like that, it's just that i have a lot on my plate right now. i'm not exactly sure how to balance everything and you know how i get when i-"
i fall silent when he grabs my hand, chuckling softly, "relax. i'm not trying to rush or pressure you. i only wanted to check in."
i smile softly at him, his words comforting me briefly until sudden panic fills its place. it's as if the reality of the conversation finally hits me and i realize that we're actually talking about getting back together. jonah and i. after all these years. after everything we've been through- the pain that i went through.
irrational thoughts run through my head and i remove my hand from jonah's. he glances down, noticing my reaction, and frowns.
"i.. um..."
jonah stands up and heads for the door, "forget i said anything about it today. take your time to think about everything and come to me when you're ready. i'll wait."
"jonah, i don't.. i don't want to make a mistake, okay? we can't afford to make any more mistakes. i think we both know that," i finally speak up, though i know it's not what he wants to hear.
"emerson, how do you know it'd be a mistake? we won't know unless we try."
"... i can't risk that. if we get together only to break up again... think about what that would do to us. think about what it would do to noah."
he shakes his head, "look, think about it some more and-"
"i have thought about it. every second since you brought it up. i just... i can't," i whisper, guilt tugging at my heartstrings.
"so that's it? that's your answer then?" his entire mood has shifted and i can see disappointment written all over his face.
"... it's for the best."
"and what if it isn't?"
"jo please understand. this is me trying to make sure that we don't mess up anymore than we already have in the past."
and with that he nods and exits the room, leaving me to question everything.
