Cold Blooded, Soft Hearted [ EDITING ]

66

Bavana Brown (Boop)

I woke up the next day and ran to the bathroom to throw up. I was sick to my stomach about what happened last night. I had nobody to sleep in my bed with me, no one to talk to when I woke up in the middle of the night, and now, Salana doesn't have a dad to grow up with. How the fuck am I going to be able to explain this to a fucking 7 month old baby?! I fucking can't!

I walked back into my room, rubbing my temples and looked over at Salana sleep in my bed. She looked so peaceful and beautiful. I was going to put her in her room last night when we got home but I couldn't. I needed her near me during this time.

It was knock on the door and I looked over at the clock by my nightstand. It was still early so I had no clue who that was. I walked over to the door and opened it to see Nas. He pulled me into a hug and I hugged him back. I invited him in and shut the door behind him.

"How you feeling, sis?" He sighed, sitting on the couch.

"My heart is shattered." I shrugged. "I watched my man get murdered."

"That's what's fucking me up, Boop." Nas rubbed his face. "I don't want you out here doing crazy shit because you traumatized. You know I love you."

"I don't wanna hear that shit, Nas. I love you too but I got so much shit running through my head." I teared up and blinked a few times for the feeling to go away.

"Boop, it's gonna take time but shit gonna be alright for you. I know you and I know how you move." He shook his head. "Who shot him anyways?"

My mind raced back to that night seeing Oz shoot Rylo three times in his chest.

"I don't know..." I lied.

"Boop, I know you lying. I got you, just let me know. I ain't no snitch ass nigga."

He was the first person to know that I got pregnant and didn't tell anybody. Plus, I've known him for years, he wouldn't do that shit to me, ever.

"Some dude named Oz..." It went silent for a couple minutes and Nas let out a long sigh.

"Man..." Was all he could say.

"What?" I scrunched my face up. He shook his head as a response. "The funny part is...he said I look really familiar. And I swear on my life I never fucked with him before! I never bought any drugs from him or anything."

"Yeah, you didn't." Nas said, emphasizing 'you'

"What you mean I didn't?"

"Your mother bought drugs from his brother who died and now he taking over the business. He probably remember you from when we met at that drug house."

Everything came back to me. That made hella sense as to why I thought he was familiar too.

"You can't tell anybody Nas!" I blurted out.

"I ain't gonna tell shit, that ain't my place and I ain't no damn rat. Oz my man."

"Fuck Oz!" I rolled my eyes getting mad about the whole situation again.

"What he kill him for?"

"Rylo gave him some fake ass money." I shook my head.

"Man what?" Nas scrunched his face up. "You can't be around that shit, Boop! He put you in that fucking position? That nigga don't give a fuck about you!" He yelled.

"Nas, watch your fucking mouth!" I yelled back, scrunching my face up.

"He know what the he was doing. He put you in that fucking position, shit, he put himself in that fucking position. He know how serious niggas is about they money and him knowing he got a family and he still went ahead and did that dumb shit is beyond me."

"That don't mean you murder them!"

"Boop, I ain't saying what he did was right at all. I'm saying he should've known what the fuck he was doing and he did know. Meaning, he didn't give a fuck about what y'all had going on. Meaning, he didn't give a fuck about you. Oz could've went ahead and killed you as a warning or Salana."

What Nas was saying was making complete sense but I definitely didn't want to think about it like that. I loved Rylo, even after he did me crummy. He changed for me and Salana but maybe he didn't give a fuck about our family.

"I'm about to cry, Nas." I teared up shaking my head because I just couldn't believe what the fuck happened last night and I definitely didn't want to believe what Nas was saying but Nas is always fucking right.

"Man, don't cry Boop." He got up and pulled me into a bear hug. "Everything gon be alright. That's why you got me, Jamir, and hella other motherfuckers who care about you." I hugged him back and then it was another knock on the door. Damn, if I knew people was coming over I would've gotten myself together. I still had on a tank top and some nike pros.

"I got you, Ima get it." Nas went over and opened the door to my mother storming in and pulling me into a hug.

"Bavana, are you okay? I'm sorry you had to experience something so traumatizing to you like this." She kissed my cheek and sighed.

"I'm fine." I sighed as she parted from the hug. Nas closed the door and sat back down on the couch.

"Goodmorning Ms. Brown." Nas greeted and my mom rolled her eyes.

"Hello Nasir." She faked a smile. My mother aint like Nasir too much because he used to sometimes sell drugs to her. She also hated that me and him became close in a fucking drug house but who's fault was that?

Salana started to cry loud and I ran into my room to get her. I picked her up and carried her into the living room while cradling her. Her crying stopped.

"My granddaughter has to experience a life without a father." My mother let out a cry and cried into her hands.

"Ma, stop being dramatic." I rolled my eyes. After what Nas told me, I really was deading the fuck out of Rylo in my mind but my heart definitely still had love for him.

"Well, I see you're doing fine." She stopped her crying and wiped her eyes. "How are you not mourning my son-in-laws death?"

"Son-in-law? Ma stop! I'm just thinking about some shit right now and I really don't think Rylo cared about me. He put me and Salana in a dangerous position."

"Dangerous position? Bavana, that is still the father of your child." She crossed her arms staring at me.

"I know he is. But I'm just thinking." I brushed her off.

I definitely was going to think about the shit Nas said to me.