The Dark Ghosts

56. Overthinking Mind

Alec's POV

I don't know what came over me when I confessed everything to Bianca. My stubborn decision of staying away from her sank the moment I started rambling about stuff I didn't want to confess yet. She got what she wanted to though; a conversation with me, the conversation I've been avoiding.

When she told me that she would be happier with me rather than without me, I didn't know how to feel. I wanted to scold her and tell her that it couldn't be possible due to all the dangers luring around me. But, even though I opened my mouth to say so, no words could come out, seeming like they were trapped inside my throat. Instead, a warm feeling hit my heart that soon invaded my whole body as if my heart pumped that warmth along with the blood. Deep down, I knew she was right, and the fact that she admitted she was happy with me made me feel like I won the fucking lottery.

I couldn't promise to protect her. My dad had promised my mom, my grandpa had promised my grandma, and even I had previously promised Elio. But we all failed our promises as they are all dead now. I knew Bianca was a skilled, powerful woman that could perfectly protect herself, one of the many things that attracted me to her. But I still don't want to bring her into even more dangerous situations than the Dark Ghosts already bring her into. I would never forgive myself if anything happened to her, nor any of them, because of my rivalries.

However, her words kept ringing through my ears repeatedly.

~Flashback~

We stared at each other intently as if reading the other's soul. My brain was still trying to process her words while she was waiting patiently for any reaction out of me. But I didn't gave her any. Not any words nor emotion, just a blank expression. I just didn't know how to react. My body had stopped functioning and I was at a loss of words.

She sighed, momentarily lowering her gaze to the floor before it lifted back at me.

"Just so you know, I understand and appreciate your point of view, but I do not agree with it. Life is not all butterflies and rainbows, we both know that very well. It's full of risks and dangers that, sometimes, we have to inevitably take. Life is just one and, if we are always playing it safe, we won't live it as we want to. We should never let fear hold us back from reaching what we truly desire."

And with that, she stood up and walked out of the room, once again leaving me speechless.

~End of flashback~

Those last sentences, those damn sentences were the ones consuming my thoughts ever since they left her mouth. I just couldn't get her words out of my mind. Such wise words, but why were they so easy to say and so hard to carry out?

I groaned as I turned around and looked at the time. It was almost five in the morning and I barely slept for a couple, rough hours, but deep down I knew that, no matter how hard I tried, I would get no more sleep. The relived memories and my overthinking brain didn't seem to be willing to take a rest, a small headache was even starting to form.

I decided to get up and start my day, knowing that I would only waste my time if I kept staring at the ceiling immersed in my continuous-circling thoughts. I walked into the bathroom and got rid of my sleeping attire, stepping into the shower as cold water fell upon me, just how I like it. Once I was done, I put a clean towel around my waist and went to the closet.

Dressed up in a crisp suit, I walked back into my room and sat down in front of the small desk it had, opening my laptop and checking my emails. I started working on some files and contracts, already burying myself in work.

As weird as it may sound, my job is like my escape. I solely focus on mafia and business stuff and forget about my personal problems and worries. It may not be the healthiest way to deal with everything, but it's the most helpful to me. Time flies and, instead of worrying my head out about stuff that won't get solved by just thinking about it, I carry out productive activities.