Saved by a loving heart.

Pt24 : Barnibee

⚠TRIGGER WARNING⚠

Mention of Death, Internal Voices, Self Doubt

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Y/n POV

Every step I took hurt, but I couldn't show it, not here, not ever.

"Y/n, it's okay if you want to walk slower, I understand moving must hurt so don't push yourself too hard," Wil said trying to get me to slow down, but right now I was so focused in my head that I could only hear Wil faintly before my head kept going 100 km per hour.

You did this, you can not blame that man for what you are, after all, ou had some part two. It's your fault that she is dead, and I'm not going to let you forget that.

Not really the time, can we maybe talk about this later, I can't right now.

If you really want I can leave, but is that what you want? If I leave you will be left alone with nothing to care about you. No one to help you like I help you. Is that really want you want?

Your right, I'm sorry I've been doubting you so much lately, I know I shouldn't, and that you don't deserve my trash, but you are here because you care, and you have when no one else did. You are the only one I can trust. I am the only one who cares about me.

Bingo!

Variations of those thoughts kept spinning around my head, but they eventually stopped, at last quiet.

"Y/n? Are you okay? Sorry that is a dumb question," Wil was right, I hate the question 'are you okay?' because that would mean once again a lie. I really don't like lying, but it is what I've had to do to survive for so long it just became a habit. "How about we sit down here for a bit? Niki should be here any minute now, she is just a drive away from here and will drop us home."

"I can't sit down Wil, if I sit they will come back because I'm not focusing on anything else, if I'm walking then I can count my steps and make them shut up," I was now being honest with him. I have found that if I stay busy or focused on something else, the voice is quieter, more at bay when I can move.

"But your hurt, if you keep moving, you risk opening or agitating your wounds and make them more painful and harder to heal. I understand that you want to keep busy while we wait, but there are other ways we can do that that do require you torturing yourself," Wil  says trying to get my to sit down, but I refuse, I know what helps right now, and other things may help but I don't want to use now as a test.

"Right now I don't care about the pain. If I'm honest, I can't feel anything, it doesn't hurt at all," oh you joys of adrenaline.

Wilbur POV

I am starting to feel like all of this was my fault, I brought her here because I thought it would help, but it only made things worse, now she is torturing herself because of my actions. Maybe I'm not the right person to look after Y/n, maybe I'm doing more damage then help. Maybe I should take her back.

"Wil," the yell was what brought me back to reality, Niki.

"Hey Y/n, lets get in the car and get home, it;s been a long day," I try and take Y/n's hand but she flinches away so I take is as a sign that she needed some space.

"Thank you so much Niki. I guess an introduction is in order, Niki, this in Y/n, my daughter," I cringe away after saying that, am I really a dad? I look over to Y/n sitting next to me and was fidgeting with her knee bouncing up and down.

"Hey Y/n, I'm Niki or Nihachu, I don't really mind, I'm a friend of Wilburs friends, it's nice to meet you," Niki looked at me after Y/n didn't seem to acknowledge that she was talking to her.

"Um, Niki, it's been a but of a hard day, and Y/n has a lot of thoughts flying around her head right now, so she may be a bit distant. She doesn't mean to be rude or anything," I look over to Y/n who actually seemed to be focusing on the conversation much to my surprise.

"Hello," she says quietly. "Thank you for coming and getting us, it is nice to meet you Miss."

"Don't worry about in okay, how about we just get you guys back to Wil's place where you can get comfortable again," Niki starts the car and drives us home.

The car trip was almost silent, but Y/n did lay on my shoulder as much as the seat belt would allow.

"Here we go guys," Niki says as we are puling into the driveway.

"Do you want to come inside? We can chill if you want," I offer as I feel a little bit bad for taking some of her time up with coming and driving us home. "Do you want to head inside Y/n, I just need to talk to Niki quickly," y/n nods at me but before she could hop out. "Can you be safe?" she once again nods and Niki looks a little bit confused but stays quiet.

Y/n  POV

If I'm honest I'm not sure if I can be 'safe'. Today has been too long of a day with too much emotional shit. I can handle getting beat and what not but I don't do emotions.

Wil gave me the house key while he sat in the car for a bit with Niki in her car, as soon as I got home I went to go bet Barnibee, I don't know why such a small bee plush could make me feel so calm and safe, if feels like my mother is her with me. I will always be her little worker bee.

I miss you so much mum, why did he have to do that to you, I could have grown up with you and maybe I would have hope.

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Hello anyone who reads these little rants at the end.

Thank you <3

I think I should also add the fact, I don't edit these before I publish them, most of the time, I write these later at night so my brain isn't always on point, so sorry for any spelling errors.

You guys are so much kinder then people in real life, and that is weird because you are just other people on the other side of a screen that seem to enjoy reading my story. So I thank you for that, your comments always seem to find a way to make me smile when I wake up :)

You are amazing and the best you can be so I'm really glad you are you.

Remember that your body isn't paper, so don't cut it,

Remember your face isn't a mask, so don't hide it,

Remember that your size isn't a book, so don't judge it,

And most of all, your life isn't a film, so don't end it

You are beautiful just the way you are, don't ever change from who you are for others <3

I am so FUCKING proud of you, everyone reading this. You are doing great, you may not be feeling 100%, but you are giving 100% of what you do have.

I just want to say thank you. You guys, girls and anything in between are absolutly amazing and I love you.

I hope all of you are having a good day/night/ whatever time it is where you are.

Make sure you eat, drink some water, take your meds (if not already) and get some good sleep.

Even if you just try to eat or drink something, that is all that matters, that you tried.

You are AMAZING and never forget that.

Stay safe and remember that you are loved. ❤❤❤