Just like me: phan

Just like me: phan pt97: the aftermath

*Phils pov*

Dear Phil,

It's been a week, your phone call on Sunday made me smile, I was beyond relieved to hear your voice (I'm sorry I cried so much). I'm glad you settled in well, and that your family is nice. Your new dog "RoarZilla" sounds horrendous, I hope he stops biting you soon. Tell me about school once you start! 

I have been doing well back here, school has been suckish, I don't hang out with many people, and I'm still trying to find somewhere where I feel 'safe'. Matt and James are still missing, we had news reporters and police all over the school on Monday. Matt's parent's are worried, James' parents are mad. I don't know what to do anymore. I've been interviewed twice. (I'll be on the news Wednesday). No one really wants to hang out with me because they seem to think we murdered them...That's completely fucking ridiculous! I try to explain to them what happened, but people always side with the 'victim'.

The fucking school doesn't really help, they just let them at me. It kind of feels like I'm a celebrity, but I'm more trapped.

Other than that, I've been eating well, I've gained back some of my weight and feel better than ever. Mum and Dad are alright. 

I miss you so much Philly, please write back.

I love you.

Dan "Bear" Howell.

x

It was the fourth time I had read it, and I was still smiling.  The small envelope had appeared on the kitchen counter early that morning once my foster mum (Anne), had gone out to the letter box.  

The letter itself was slightly crinkled, with tiny tear stains on it. The contents did concern me. I had been watching the news, and they often showed clips of the town with photos of Matt and James' faces pinned up on every corner. It was scary. Dan was playing down his fear to make me feel better, but it did not diminish my personal guilt. The reporters shouldn't be just targeting him, they should come and find me and interview me as well, it just didn't seem fair on him, all of this weight. Though the letter had a buoyant vibe, I was afraid for Dan, I just wanted him to be okay, like he knew I was. 

So on Wednesday, I wrote back.

Dear Dan,

I miss you so much. 

Everything here is going okay, school is fine and I made a few friends. Though none of them make me truly happy, as I miss you way too much.

Please tell me this week was better, I hope the reporters go away soon; I watched you on the news today and almost ripped my hair out as they were being so rude to you. When you cried it broke my heart. If things aren't getting better Dan, please tell me, don't think keeping these things from me will make this situation any better. I'm looking forward to our phone call on Sunday! Here's a tip: When I had no one to talk to at school, sometimes I'd go to chess club...I know that's really lame, but it's not as bad as just wandering around by yourself all the time!

Please have a good day.

I love you.

Philly

x

I waited for a letter back. I checked my mailbox everyday...I even attached a bell so I knew when there was new mail. Days went by. Sunday came, and went...with no phone call. That scared me more than anything. I read Dan's letter again, there was no mention of anything like a holiday or anything that might prevent him from contacting me.

A week went by, and I remember I was watching the news in the lounge with RoarZilla. As per usual, there was a journalist at Dan's school.

'...And here we are at the school where the three boys had attended prior to their disappearances..." 

3.

I shook my head, hoping I had misheard.

"...They boy's name was Dan Howell, he was a healthy young teenage boy..."

No.

"...Howell is reported to have disappeared on Monday night while heading back from the Black Burne High library, family members state he was wearing a black hooded jumper and grey jeans, his back pack was also grey. Dan Howell is a young Caucasian male, 6ft1, dark brown hair and eyes. If anyone has any information on the disappearance, or any of the other boy's, we request-"

I stopped listening. 

There's a certain powerlessness you feel when your're so far away from the one place you need to be, a certain anxiety that floods your body. 

I stood up shakily, still in disbelief of what I had just heard, and walked down the hall to my room. the door was open, so I just wandered in and collapsed on my bed. Out of the corner of my eye I saw Dan's letter, I sat back up and held it for a bit, just feeling the suffocating waves of confusion and depression roll over me....but that's when I noticed something. 

The letter Dan wrote was written on Tuesday. I knew that as he spoke about our phone call on Sunday, and the reporters coming on Monday. My heart dropped.

Howell is reported to have disappeared on Monday night 

The words rung out in my head.

I examined the letter, fighting back tears, looking for absolutely anything that would help me understand what was going on. 

And then I saw it.

It was on the back.

2, 6, downp, acrossw

I didn't understand. In fact. I couldn't understand. I spent night after night trying to figure out what it meant. I even went to school and asked some of my friends (without giving away any major information of course) on whether they knew what "2, 6, downp, acrossw meant". None of them did.

I was desperate. 

But then one night whiel crying in a heap, I had an idea.

2 down p, 6 across w

I understood 2 down, and 6 across, it sounded like navigation shit, or battleship directions; but the p and the w weren't so clear.

Then I got the idea, maybe these were directions...to the letter itself.

I counted down 2 sentences. nope, nothing sinister.

But then I counted down 2 paragraphs.

down 2 paragraphs.

"The fucking school doesn't really help, they just let them at me. It kind of feels like I'm a celebrity, but I'm more trapped"

6 across words.

It that moment my brain malfunctioned, as I had cracked the code, though part of me wished I didn't, I counted every 6th word again.

Help Me I'm Trapped.