Just like me: phan

Just like me: phan pt41

*phils pov*

The evening was long, I knew what time it was because there was a clock on the wall near the bed. James went in and out of the room, the others did too, but they didn't really acknowledge my existence...I wasn't complaining...I didn't want them to.

I think James knew, when he said those things before, that most of the damage was going to be done by me. Once I was down, the only place I could go was lower, and lower, until I was back to square one. Before I had Dan, that's where I was, I wanted to die. And then, in that room, I couldn't help but think I wanted it again.

Phil relax, hold on, Dan will come, you're worth it.

I tried to convince myself everything was going to be okay, between suicidal thoughts, and the fear of the beatings, the only ray of light I had was Dan. And I had to hold on to that. 

Be brave Phil, Dan will come, stay strong, don't let them break you.

I wondered where he was, he had to be looking for me, right? He had to be stressed, no one could fake that love. Could they?...my thoughts were filled with doubt. Dan couldn't leave me here to die, I needed him.

It was 7pm when one of the boys came in and asked if I wanted a shower, I said yes. I needed one, I felt sick with myself and wanted to wash it all off. The shower was down the hall, next to the kitchen, they told me this, before walking away. Through much pain, I crawled to the bathroom, trying to make as little noise as possible, but I couldn't help the small whimpers that escaped from my mouth, James followed me. I missed Dan and I's walking method, I missed Dan.

I ended up in the bathroom, light blue and white tiles scaled the edges of the small room. I sighed, before closing the door behind me, James waited outside, he didn't bother telling me not to escape, he already knew I couldn't.

I began stripping down on the bathroom floor, it was hard, I pulled my shirt over my head and gritted my teeth as it stuck to the cuts on my arms.

I pulled myself into the shower, refusing to look in the mirror, or even catch a glimpse at my pathetic self. I was so scared, I didn't know what to do, their was nothing in my power I could do to escape.

I twisted the taps on the shower and  reached up to the soap cage above me, before knocking it down. The cage rattled and fell on top of me, two soaps fell in front of me, along with something else...something I was all too familiar with. I looked at the razor blade right in front of me.

escape.